Where does sex rank on your daily priorities list? How about your weekly or monthly list? For many of us this may rank high but is one of those items that get easily bumped for another engagement. I know that I am guilty of this and so are many of the other moms I talk to. In a recent study published in the March issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy researchers show that a large percentage of people in long term relationships are unhappy with the frequency of sex in their lives. There is a great synopsis of the article in the NY Times. I would like to just use this article as evidence for why we need to make time for sex in relationships and understand why quality and quantity are important factors when thinking about a healthy and satisfying sex life.
“Anthony Lyons, a study co-author and research fellow at La Trobe, said the main lesson from the study is that couples need to learn how to communicate about their sexual needs or their reasons for not wanting sex.” Communication is a very important part of any relationship and I love that this study points out that communication has to include needs as well as reasons for not wanting sex. Negotiations are difficult to navigate when there is a withholding of information. It is not always easy to tell your partner why you may not be interested in sex and it is important to take the time to be honest with yourself as to why you are not interested or satisfied. Great ways to communicate with your partner include:
- using “I feel” statements
- avoiding the heat of the moment
- using the sandwich technique (compliment/critique/compliment)
- talk in environments that are non-threatening and comfortable for both parties