Posts Tagged ‘talking to kids about sex’
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How do you talk to your kids about sex? What to say at what age? How much to divulge and when? What words to use? Join the discussion and get advice on Moms In Babeland in celebration of National Family Sex Education Month! During October you can:
• Glean helpful “talking to your kids about sex” tips from SIECUS
• Read our Mom Bloggers’ sex education anecdotes—from poignant to hilarious
• Post a comment, anecdote, or question during October and enter a chance to win Babeland’s popular sex manual Moregasm*
Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) is a non-profit dedicated to providing education and information about sexuality and sexual and reproductive health. Babeland customers helped raise $22,000 this summer to go toward SIECUS’ sex education work.
Moms in Babeland is edited by Anne Semans, a Babeland mom and co-author of Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids.
* Moregasm winner drawn on November 15, 2011 from all October, 2011 entries.
Sex is becoming a more and more talked about subject in our household and J is starting to ask questions and confide in me more and more. His questions are thoughtful and make me realize that no matter how sex positive I think I am, it is hard to watch this little kid blossom into a young adult and want to take on more adult situations. He is turning 9 this week and he sat me down for a talk the other night. This is the abridged version of our that talk.
- J: Is it ok for me to love anyone I want…even if they aren’t cute?
- Me: Kiddo, as far as I am concerned you can love whoever you want so long as they love you back and treat you well. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and others’ opinions are not what you should base your feelings upon.
- J: nods silently and then goes on to ask… When can I start having sex? Read the full post »
After reading reviews of Bristol Palin’s memoir which just hit shelves I was reminded of my own first time. It was, unfortunately, not too far off from Bristol’s. This made me think about what I want for my own child’s first time and what I would like to see in his memoir.
I hope that he knows that he doesn’t need to lie to me. If there is someone that he is genuinely interested in pursuing then I want to support him. I know that he will not always choose to surround himself with people or situations I wholeheartedly approve of, but I will support his decisions as long as those people are respectful to him and that he remains respectful to himself. I would rather him know that he could call me and get out of a situation than feel really trapped or alone if a situation gets bad. Read the full post »
This past month I had the pleasure of starting the sex talk with my 8 ¾- (don’t I forget it) year-old son. The conversation has been lengthy and has had many components so I will be writing this in installments. I want to start off by saying how terrifying this experience can be as comedienne Julia Sweeney discusses here.
I talk about sex all day long in a shame free environment and suddenly I am stricken with fear that I may leave some stigma on this young boy’s mind. I am lucky enough to have a brilliant young man that knows his mom over-talks and over-analyzes everything and knows how to tell me (politely) when he has learned all he wants to know. There are some amazing sound bites from our conversation that I will throw in but mostly I will break it down into a Q&A discussion for your reading pleasure.
The conversation started one day as he was doing his nightly reading homework and chose an anatomy book as the material of the night. He came up to me and told me that the reproductive organs section was his favorite part but it did not explain everything he wanted to know. At this point I took the book, What’s Going on Down There by Karen Gravelle off of the shelf and told him that this may answer more of his questions and also that I am happy to be a resource as well. He began reading the book and here is what happened next. Read the full post »
Picking J up from school this week a teacher brought to my attention that he was talking about what I do for a living with a fellow 3rd-grader and one of the teachers was uncomfortable with the conversation. The teacher did not know what was said and the following conversation with J went like this:
“Your teacher told me that there was a conversation today that took place between you and a friend that was possibly inappropriate. So, do you know what conversation I am referring to?”
“Yeah, I think so…”
“Can you tell me what was said during this conversation?”
“Yeah, my friend was talking about sex and I told him that you know lots about it because you work at Babeland and sell fake crotches.” Read the full post »
We recently asked our Facebook friends what they learned about sex growing up, and it became clear that the clitoris was (and is) given scant attention in most birds and bees talks that happen both at school and at home. How can there be a curriculum in sex ed, or any talk that touches on the basics of sexual pleasure, that fails to mention the clit?!
Apparently there can be, and it’s not uncommon. And as many of our Facebook friends pointed out, not having information left them to make up their own stories about their bodies. Here’s what Liz said: “The first time I saw mine, I thought it was a little tiny penis and I had been born a hermaphrodite and my parents just never told me.” We read many stories about kids who thought they had a disease, a growth, or felt something was wrong with them.
I’m not sure whether parents are assuming kids are learning sex stuff in school or teachers think kids are learning about it at home, but it’s better to seize the reins and be pro-active! Better to be annoyingly thorough than leave gaps in their knowledge.
Not only do people need to know that the clit exists, but what it is for. Here’s another Facebook post: “I JUST learned a few years ago that most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone and that the clit needs stimulation. WTF? I wish I had known that when I was younger.” Read the full post »
The other day J looks over at me and says, “One of the kids in my class always calls me a pervert and it really bothers me because he doesn’t even know what it means.” I asked him if he knows what it means and he tells me, “yeah…well I think so. It is when someone tells everyone I love you all the time.” I politely said that the definition varies a bit from what he thinks and we pulled out the dictionary. After reading the definition I asked if he has a better idea of what pervert means. He looks at me a little confused and I explained that in the use of the word as a noun, pervert is what you call someone who does something that is not the social norm or that is not socially accepted sexually. He looks up and me and says, “So it is pretty mean to call someone a pervert, huh?” Read the full post »
I recently visited my hometown and spent some time with my family, including my ten year-old niece. Within ten minutes she starts divulging the details of the fourth grade dating world complete with kids “cheating” on each other and making sure that they have a “back-up” for when they are broken up with. It was really interesting to watch the responses and fear that washed across the families’ faces as this occurred. There was anger and shame almost immediately. These emotions were shot in her direction as she was told that she was too young to be dating and that she was not going on dates until she turned sixteen.
Luckily, she is a smart girl and she knows that this talk pushes boundaries with her parents, so she brings the topic up to get a reaction. Her nonchalant attitude towards dating and the treatment of each other is partially what she has seen modeled but also what she knows her parents don’t want for her. I hope that she stays smart enough to know that she can have a healthy and happy dating life (eventually) and that she deserves to be treated with respect. I also hope that she learns which boundaries and battles to push with her parents so that she can have a happy and healthy life. Read the full post »
Amy Lang, MA answers the Moms in Babeland’s questions about talking to kids about sex. She appears as part of our celebration of National Family Sex Education Month.
Q: My niece has come to me with sex and puberty questions and I have been hesitant to answer without inquiring about the parent’s comfort level. Do I answer and we keep it our little secret or do I approach the parent and potentially lose my niece’s trust?
Amy: Every kid needs at least one trustworthy adult, other than their parent, to confide in about life! Congratulations, you’ve been chosen. One of the tips I give parents over and over is to make sure their kids know who their trustworthy adults are, so the kids have someone to talk to if they need help in some way.
Parents aren’t always the first person a child confides in because of our tendency to freak out, judge, and any number of off-putting behaviors. Kids often need to “test the water” with someone else, so they can gauge reactions before they talk to their parents.
In your case, I would suggest that you have an agreement with your niece that your conversations are private, but if you believe her health or safety is at risk, and then the two of you together will talk to her parents. You can talk about what this means so you are on the same page.
Then, I would tell your sibling that their child has been confiding in you and asking for information and advice. I would then say that you wanted to let them know and that you have the above agreement with her. Then suggest that they get her some books on the topic – there are tons on my site, Birds + Bees + Kids. Read the full post »
As an adult I have looked back on my sex education and feel really grateful. I went to school in a city with a very thorough and liberal sex ed program. I had a mom who would sit up late and have really honest conversations with me. I had an older sister who took it upon herself to teach me the lessons of life through her trials and tribulations…I was surrounded by smart, independent and resilient women.
Read the full post »