Posts Tagged ‘sex postive parenting’
Sex is becoming a more and more talked about subject in our household and J is starting to ask questions and confide in me more and more. His questions are thoughtful and make me realize that no matter how sex positive I think I am, it is hard to watch this little kid blossom into a young adult and want to take on more adult situations. He is turning 9 this week and he sat me down for a talk the other night. This is the abridged version of our that talk.
- J: Is it ok for me to love anyone I want…even if they aren’t cute?
- Me: Kiddo, as far as I am concerned you can love whoever you want so long as they love you back and treat you well. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and others’ opinions are not what you should base your feelings upon.
- J: nods silently and then goes on to ask… When can I start having sex? Read the full post »
After reading reviews of Bristol Palin’s memoir which just hit shelves I was reminded of my own first time. It was, unfortunately, not too far off from Bristol’s. This made me think about what I want for my own child’s first time and what I would like to see in his memoir.
I hope that he knows that he doesn’t need to lie to me. If there is someone that he is genuinely interested in pursuing then I want to support him. I know that he will not always choose to surround himself with people or situations I wholeheartedly approve of, but I will support his decisions as long as those people are respectful to him and that he remains respectful to himself. I would rather him know that he could call me and get out of a situation than feel really trapped or alone if a situation gets bad. Read the full post »
I have an acute sense of privacy which I am now struggling to pass on to my 9-year-old son, who doesn’t think twice about entering unannounced into my room or bathroom. I am trying to teach him that everyone needs that space where they can go and be left alone when they need to be.
I have recently laid down a rule that we have to respect each others rooms and space. I will not go in his room except to feed the fish or put away laundry without his permission and he will not treat my room as his. Often times he will read his book in my room while I make dinner because the rooms connect. This has led him to regard this room as another shared space of the house and one where he can enter or be at anytime he sees fit. I hope to implant respect for each others’ personal space into both of us as we progress over the next few months.
J’s need for personal space and the ability to go and be left alone for a little while is growing now that puberty is upon him, but just as he knows when he wants to be alone, he also knows when he wants to be with someone else. So, he may come out from brooding in his room and want to snuggle with me while I am decompressing from the latest hormone surge we just went through. I am never one to turn down snuggles but I need time to breath and let go of the latest argument as well. I have worked with this by just explaining that, “I need a few more minutes of alone time. Then we can meet up in the living room to snuggle and be together.”
I don’t feel that we need to completely swing the pendulum of privacy. I just feel like we need to get a little more balanced and I want to allow him to have space as I know I need it as well. Check out these other great privacy tips for parents from the book Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids.
• Put a lock on the bedroom door
• Reconsider “family bed”
• Enforce bed time
• Keep a guest room stocked with lube and sex toys
• Try quickies in the shower
• Try sex in the closet, the car, or in the backyard
• Have a tryst while the kids are watching cartoons
This past month I had the pleasure of starting the sex talk with my 8 ¾- (don’t I forget it) year-old son. The conversation has been lengthy and has had many components so I will be writing this in installments. I want to start off by saying how terrifying this experience can be as comedienne Julia Sweeney discusses here.
I talk about sex all day long in a shame free environment and suddenly I am stricken with fear that I may leave some stigma on this young boy’s mind. I am lucky enough to have a brilliant young man that knows his mom over-talks and over-analyzes everything and knows how to tell me (politely) when he has learned all he wants to know. There are some amazing sound bites from our conversation that I will throw in but mostly I will break it down into a Q&A discussion for your reading pleasure.
The conversation started one day as he was doing his nightly reading homework and chose an anatomy book as the material of the night. He came up to me and told me that the reproductive organs section was his favorite part but it did not explain everything he wanted to know. At this point I took the book, What’s Going on Down There by Karen Gravelle off of the shelf and told him that this may answer more of his questions and also that I am happy to be a resource as well. He began reading the book and here is what happened next. Read the full post »
Picking J up from school this week a teacher brought to my attention that he was talking about what I do for a living with a fellow 3rd-grader and one of the teachers was uncomfortable with the conversation. The teacher did not know what was said and the following conversation with J went like this:
“Your teacher told me that there was a conversation today that took place between you and a friend that was possibly inappropriate. So, do you know what conversation I am referring to?”
“Yeah, I think so…”
“Can you tell me what was said during this conversation?”
“Yeah, my friend was talking about sex and I told him that you know lots about it because you work at Babeland and sell fake crotches.” Read the full post »
The other day J looks over at me and says, “One of the kids in my class always calls me a pervert and it really bothers me because he doesn’t even know what it means.” I asked him if he knows what it means and he tells me, “yeah…well I think so. It is when someone tells everyone I love you all the time.” I politely said that the definition varies a bit from what he thinks and we pulled out the dictionary. After reading the definition I asked if he has a better idea of what pervert means. He looks at me a little confused and I explained that in the use of the word as a noun, pervert is what you call someone who does something that is not the social norm or that is not socially accepted sexually. He looks up and me and says, “So it is pretty mean to call someone a pervert, huh?” Read the full post »
My job is such an intrinsic part of my life that I don’t typically hesitate to say I am a sexuality educator at Babeland when asked what I do for a living. However, J has recently come home laughing about how his teacher thought I worked in a store that sells baby stuff. I asked what he told her I do and he responded by saying, “I told her you work at Babeland and sell sex stuff!”
I was very proud but also realized that the two of us had not really discussed that my job may be considered taboo by his Japanese immersion teacher. Read the full post »