Moms in Babeland

Posts Tagged ‘babeland’

Talking With My Kid About Sex: Age 9

Sex is becoming a more and more talked about subject in our household and J is starting to ask questions and confide in me more and more. His questions are thoughtful and make me realize that no matter how sex positive I think I am, it is hard to watch this little kid blossom into a young adult and want to take on more adult situations. He is turning 9 this week and he sat me down for a talk the other night. This is the abridged version of our that talk.

- J: Is it ok for me to love anyone I want…even if they aren’t cute?
- Me: Kiddo, as far as I am concerned you can love whoever you want so long as they love you back and treat you well. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and others’ opinions are not what you should base your feelings upon.
- J: nods silently and then goes on to ask… When can I start having sex? Read the full post »

Knock Before Entering: Mom’s Quest for Privacy

I have an acute sense of privacy which I am now struggling to pass on to my 9-year-old son, who doesn’t think twice about entering unannounced into my room or bathroom. I am trying to teach him that everyone needs that space where they can go and be left alone when they need to be.

I have recently laid down a rule that we have to respect each others rooms and space. I will not go in his room except to feed the fish or put away laundry without his permission and he will not treat my room as his. Often times he will read his book in my room while I make dinner because the rooms connect. This has led him to regard this room as another shared space of the house and one where he can enter or be at anytime he sees fit. I hope to implant respect for each others’ personal space into both of us as we progress over the next few months.

J’s need for personal space and the ability to go and be left alone for a little while is growing now that puberty is upon him, but just as he knows when he wants to be alone, he also knows when he wants to be with someone else. So, he may come out from brooding in his room and want to snuggle with me while I am decompressing from the latest hormone surge we just went through. I am never one to turn down snuggles but I need time to breath and let go of the latest argument as well. I have worked with this by just explaining that, “I need a few more minutes of alone time. Then we can meet up in the living room to snuggle and be together.”

I don’t feel that we need to completely swing the pendulum of privacy. I just feel like we need to get a little more balanced and I want to allow him to have space as I know I need it as well. Check out these other great privacy tips for parents from the book  Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids.

Privacy Tips
• Put a lock on the bedroom door
• Reconsider “family bed”
• Enforce bed time
• Keep a guest room stocked with lube and sex toys
• Try quickies in the shower
• Try sex in the closet, the car, or in the backyard
• Have a tryst while the kids are watching cartoons

Talking With My Kid About Sex pt. 1

This past month I had the pleasure of starting the sex talk with my 8 ¾- (don’t I forget it) year-old son. The conversation has been lengthy and has had many components so I will be writing this in installments. I want to start off by saying how terrifying this experience can be as comedienne Julia Sweeney discusses here.
I talk about sex all day long in a shame free environment and suddenly I am stricken with fear that I may leave some stigma on this young boy’s mind. I am lucky enough to have a brilliant young man that knows his mom over-talks and over-analyzes everything and knows how to tell me (politely) when he has learned all he wants to know. There are some amazing sound bites from our conversation that I will throw in but mostly I will break it down into a Q&A discussion for your reading pleasure.

The conversation started one day as he was doing his nightly reading homework and chose an anatomy book as the material of the night. He came up to me and told me that the reproductive organs section was his favorite part but it did not explain everything he wanted to know. At this point I took the book, What’s Going on Down There by Karen Gravelle off of the shelf and told him that this may answer more of his questions and also that I am happy to be a resource as well. He began reading the book and here is what happened next. Read the full post »

Fantasy Transforms Everyday Encounters

If my partner and I are spending a day running errands and hanging out, then the mood often strikes while we are out and about and we will have a midday tryst. One of my favorite ways to get us both in the mood is to talk about how hot it would be to have sex is the stacks of the bookstore or on that couch in the antique store or how that chocolate sauce in the grocery store would taste better on a body than ice cream. Just making small easy comments into each others ears and letting hands linger on bodies in otherwise innocent/sexless spaces can be a huge turn on. (Heck…my motor is running just writing this.) Read the full post »

What My Mom Does For a Living

Picking J up from school this week a teacher brought to my attention that he was talking about what I do for a living with a fellow 3rd-grader and one of the teachers was uncomfortable with the conversation. The teacher did not know what was said and the following conversation with J went like this:
“Your teacher told me that there was a conversation today that took place between you and a friend that was possibly inappropriate. So, do you know what conversation I am referring to?”

“Yeah, I think so…”

“Can you tell me what was said during this conversation?”

“Yeah, my friend was talking about sex and I told him that you know lots about it because you work at Babeland and sell fake crotches.” Read the full post »

Libido and the Single Mom

As a single mom, I try to stay in touch with my libido by masturbating, but sometimes it’s hard to do this after spending the entire evening arguing with my child over math homework. One of the many perks of my job is free sex toys. This week I was asked to review a new vibrator, but by the time the kid was in bed I looked over at it and decided I would rather watch an episode of Mad Men.

After three days of procrastinating that vibrator review, I left work and decided I needed a little mom time. J was at his dad’s for the night, so, I went for a run to try and clear my head, then lingered in a hot shower, and then finally took the Form 2 out of its box. Read the full post »

Activist, Educator, and Parent

As a single mother whose life calling is sexuality education, I often find it difficult to balance an activist agenda and allowing for my child to be socially capable in his elementary school setting. We had one of these moments on Sunday walking down the street to rent movies. J looks over at me and says, “Why do I get nervous when I try to say certain words?”
“What kind of words honey?”
“Well, like…can I just spell it? S.E.X.” Read the full post »