Moms in Babeland

More Sex Can Lead to Better Health and Happiness

Where does sex rank on your daily priorities list? How about your weekly or monthly list? For many of us this may rank high but is one of those items that get easily bumped for another engagement. I know that I am guilty of this and so are many of the other moms I talk to. In a recent study published in the March issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy researchers show that a large percentage of people in long term relationships are unhappy with the frequency of sex in their lives. There is a great synopsis of the article in the NY Times. I would like to just use this article as evidence for why we need to make time for sex in relationships and understand why quality and quantity are important factors when thinking about a healthy and satisfying sex life.

“Anthony Lyons, a study co-author and research fellow at La Trobe, said the main lesson from the study is that couples need to learn how to communicate about their sexual needs or their reasons for not wanting sex.” Communication is a very important part of any relationship and I love that this study points out that communication has to include needs as well as reasons for not wanting sex. Negotiations are difficult to navigate when there is a withholding of information. It is not always easy to tell your partner why you may not be interested in sex and it is important to take the time to be honest with yourself as to why you are not interested or satisfied. Great ways to communicate with your partner include:

  • using “I feel” statements
  • avoiding the heat of the moment
  • using the sandwich technique (compliment/critique/compliment)
  • talk in environments that are non-threatening and comfortable for both parties

In addition to good communication, relationships need the ability to experiment and try new things. In the beginning of a relationship, it is all new and exciting. This gets dopamine receptors going and makes this relationship feel really exciting. As routines set in and the dopamine receptors settle down we start to loose the sparkle and shine. This is typical of relationships and adding excitement and exploration back into the mix will get the dopamine flowing once more. Tips for adding a little excitement:

  • flirt
  • try a mid-day tryst on your lunch breaks
  • role play: this can be power roles (teacher/student), anonymous roles (go to a bar and use fake names/wigs/costumes), costumed roles…etc
  • try a new toy. Is there already a vibrator involved? Try a butt plug or cock ring.

If this is not enough to get you motivated to put sex right back up on the top of your list, then take a look at this study showing that infrequent sex and exercise may lead to a heart attack. So, prioritizing sex can not only allow you to feel more satisfied in your relationship but can also benefit your health! Who can argue with that?

Related posts:

  1. Sexual Health Study for New Moms
  2. How To Get Pregnant When Your Sex Life Is Sub-Par
  3. Sex and Parenting: A Little Goes A Long Way
  4. Q: The kids hear so much in school the negative side effects of sex. Do you have any tips on how to offer a more pleasure-positive counterpoint?

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