Gotta Have It: Sex and the Single Mom
I’ve been a single mom now for ten years and I can tell you one thing: sometimes the self-love sessions just aren’t enough. You know what I’m talking about: even though the job, the kid and the house sap all my energy, there are nights when my head hits that pillow with one all-consuming thought: “I’ve got to get laid.” A warm body, a comforting touch, a rollicking round of sweaty sex—these are the things that rouse me out of my maternal slumbers and rejuvenate my body and my self-esteem.
But as any single person can tell you, wanting it and getting it are two very different things. And when you’ve got kids at home, the logistical challenges multiply. Learning how to date again, trying to meet people, and navigating issues of time and privacy are just a few of the obstacles single moms face when it comes to sex. I look forward to sharing ideas with you on this subject, not just from my own experience, but from years of talking with other single moms.
For today, I’m going to start with what may sound obvious, but what may be a single mom’s biggest hurdle: believing that you have a right to a sex life. It’s all too easy to fall into the role of the self-sacrificing mom who has no time for anybody but her kids. Believe me, I know how exhausting it can be trying to juggle work, school, food, home, social life and private life, but you need to carve out a bit of time for yourself in order to get what you need. There are so many reasons single moms avoid dating even beyond the logistical challenges—you might’ve been hurt by your last partner, you may feel guilty for wanting a sex life, you might be afraid to incur the disproving stares of family and friends. But by cutting off your sexuality, you deny a vital, life-affirming part of yourself. Stand up for what you want and go after it.
I’m talking now about sex with partners, but I don’t mean to imply that a single woman’s solitary sexual pursuits are inadequate or inferior. On the contrary, solo erotic adventures such as masturbation and fantasy can satisfy one’s carnal appetites quite nicely, and often lead to a greater understanding of and comfort with one’s sexuality. But despite the appealing fact that a vibrator won’t cheat on you or hog the bed, it also can’t say “I love you” or conform to the spoon position. So although you can remain sexually vital without a partner (and a vibrator quickie before bed is often just the right send-off after a long day), I think intimate sexual contact makes a unique contribution to your sexual well-being and is definitely worth pursuing!
For a wonderful blog on the subject of single motherhood, check out Single Mom Seeking.
- Dating Logistics for the Single Parent
- Libido and the Single Mom
- Sexy, Sex Positive…Mom
- Bedecked In GoGo Boots, My Mom Ruled