Moms in Babeland

Sex With My Husband: Still High On My To-Do List

My friend—who is only two years older than I, and just past menopause—told me recently that the sick irony of finally being able to have unprotected sex, and on any day of the month, is that you’re no longer all that interested in sex.

Speak for yourselves, I told her.

I’m not past menopause, but after 23 years of marriage, my husband and I are no less interested in having frequent sex than we were (ahem) 25 years ago. Which is sometimes a problem when you’re living with two children who are no longer too young to puzzle out the odd noises coming from their parents’ room… who want to stay awake long after their parents want to head for the bedroom… who would rather invite their friends over, stay in and hang out together on a weekend night than go out and leave Mom and Dad home alone.

Just once, I want to think: It’s 10 p.m. I don’t know where my children are. Let’s party!

Don’t get me wrong. We love having kids who love hanging out in their own home. We love hanging out with them, or even just knowing they’re here. We just wish there was a little more home to hang out in… that the family room and the main shared bathroom were a bit farther removed from the master bedroom.
Many nights, we try to outlast the boys. But while I can stay awake till 2 a.m., Frank must rise at 5:45 each morning. So on the rare times both kids are out, we occasionally chuck the chores. And lately, we’ve also revived the Afternoon Delight, which we used to indulge in on many Thursdays in the pre-kids era.

Sometimes, I think our renewed interest in sex is in inverse proportion to the physical demands we experienced as the parents of younger kids. When our boys were little and required carrying, floor time and other put-your-back-into-it parental involvement, we were often too tired for sex. Parenting teens, however, requires more mental than physical energy. We’re left less physically tired at the end of the day. And a roll in the hay promises to alleviate the mental stress of homework hounding, arguments over texting, and helping our sons choose possible colleges to visit.

The time will come, of course, when the house is empty of teenagers for good, and we’re free to commandeer the living room couch right before dinner on a Tuesday.

On the other hand, when the boys are off at college, we’ll likely be spending our hard-earned “free time” working dozens of extra hours to stem the tide of rising tuition costs. And since we didn’t start having kids until I was in my late 30s (and Frank was in his 40s), if we did freak in the family room, standing up again after the deed might prove to be the hardest part.

This post by Lisa Romeo originally appeared on Your Tango.

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topics: Desire, Self-Image


One Response to “Sex With My Husband: Still High On My To-Do List”

  1. Keara says:

    Living with your mother and sister and having a toddler does a similar thing to your sex life unfortunately.

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