Moms in Babeland

Ancient Dildo Lights Two Fires

Thank goodness for archeologists. This week they found what they believe to be the oldest sex toy ever found–a 30,000-year-old stone dildo.  The phallic shape and the dildo’s size–a whopping 8″, leave little doubt about its use as a sex toy, but the revelation here is that the dildo was used to light another fire–literally–it doubled as a lighter, indicated by the marks left on it from striking flint. You can just imagine a multi-tasking Betty Rubble type mom:  her hubby is out hunting for food, while she’s at home using her tool to light the fire to cook the family meal, then later, while it’s still warm, she stokes her own fire. Love it.

Ironically, it was about a year ago that the oldest reproduction of a human was found, clocking in at 35,000-years-old, and guess what? It was a small stone sculpture of a voluptuous woman. It was older than the notorious Venus figurines, which have been widely hailed as examples of ancient civilizations’ reverence for female fertility  (circa 20,000 BC). The small statuettes of women with exaggerated stomachs, butts, breasts, thighs and clearly-delineated vulvas have given historians something to debate about: are they fertility symbols, representations of the Great Mother, or Paleolithic porn? My personal favorite theory posits them as self-portraits carved by pregnant women, which would explain the enlarged view of the breasts and belly and relative insignificance of the feet or limbs.

I’m over the moon with the discovery of this new dildo. I remember touring Ireland about a decade ago and running across a similar (though not as old) dildo in a small museum, with the simple title “stone phallus” in the museum case. No context, no history, just the completely provocative artifact sitting there in its case.  I have heard people complain about sex toys not being “natural,” but if there’s one thing a stone-age dildo proves, it’s that throughout history people have been using nature’s gifts to do what comes naturally!

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