Vibrating Pediatric Pain Relief
At my annual cleaning, I’d gotten the bad news that I had a cavity. When I went in to pay the price for a stint of poor dental hygiene, it happened. Imagine my instantaneous, burning curiosity when my hot, lesbian dentist pulled out a vibrating hypodermic needle, preparing to shoot me up with Novocain. My eyebrows went through the ceiling! After the procedure, through the numbness, I sputtered, “Why was that needle vibrating? I really need to know.” She knows about my life’s work as the co-owner of Babeland’s sex toy stores , and wasn’t surprised that I’d noticed her cool new toy. She told me that the vibration overwhelms the pain receptors in the mouth, so the shots don’t hurt.
I had a classic Aha! moment, right there in the torture chair. As a mom, I’m forever looking for ways to make parenting easier—products, ideas, philosophies, shortcuts, fire exits. Anything! Parenting is hard! My son was scheduled to go to his pediatrician for his 2 year check up, which involves something like 50 shots, if you are the type of mom who vaccinates, as I am. So I ask my dentist, “Are you saying that if I take a vibrator to my son’s appointment with his pediatrician and I use it near where he gets his shots, he won’t feel them?” She replies, “I suppose that’s right.” Could this be possible? Could I avoid the heart-rending scene of tears and screaming with one tiny little vibrator? Of course I had to try it.
I settle on the Fukuoku 9000 as the vibe for the job. It’s always been one of my favorites. It fits on a finger, it’s quiet, it buzzes like crazy and it doesn’t look like a sex toy, so it was unlikely to draw any unwanted attention in the doctor’s office. I took my son and my secret weapon in to see his doctor, and I told the doctor my plan. He is probably the grooviest guy of his generation, and also knows what I do for a living, so he was game. When it came time for all the shots, I put on the Fukuoku, pressed it up against my child’s sweet little arm, and hoped for the best.
And ta da! It worked! My son sat there and vocalized and gave me a stern look, but there were no screams of pain, no tears, no heartbreaking look of betrayal. Moms everywhere, pass long this precious piece of pediatric pain relief!
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