Talking With My Kid About Sex: Age 9
Sex is becoming a more and more talked about subject in our household and J is starting to ask questions and confide in me more and more. His questions are thoughtful and make me realize that no matter how sex positive I think I am, it is hard to watch this little kid blossom into a young adult and want to take on more adult situations. He is turning 9 this week and he sat me down for a talk the other night. This is the abridged version of our that talk.
- J: Is it ok for me to love anyone I want…even if they aren’t cute?
- Me: Kiddo, as far as I am concerned you can love whoever you want so long as they love you back and treat you well. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and others’ opinions are not what you should base your feelings upon.
- J: nods silently and then goes on to ask… When can I start having sex?
- Me: Well, your body is still maturing and you have not gone through puberty yet. So you have a little while before your body is ready. You also need to wait until you are ready mentally and emotionally for the responsibility that comes along with having sex.
- J: so like 2 years?
- Me: well you are probably looking at 4-5 for the body maturation and even more for the other pieces. Making the decision to have sex with another person can have some really good and some really bad consequences and you need to be ready for all of it. Why are you so eager to start having sex?
- J: Well, I like the good things that come from it. Like babies and getting to interact with a woman.
- Me: What is your definition of interacting with a woman?
- J: (Long Pause and lots of deep thought). Well, putting my penis inside her vagina.
- Me: Those are two of the good things that can come from sex but it is important that you know your body before you try to interact with someone else. I think that when the time comes then we can talk more about this but for now enjoy your youth and don’t try to rush into things.
Throughout this conversation I was terrified that this little kid who has barely begun puberty is so interested in sex but I calmed down and realized that it is one of the few things that the adults in his life do that he doesn’t/can’t and the intrigue is more from that than truly wanting to have sex.
- Talking With My Kid About Sex pt. 1
- Talking with your Kids About Sex with Judith Steinhart
- Sex Questions: What do kids really want and need to know?
- The Virgin Diaries: This Mom’s Hope for Her Son
- The Age of Innocence, and Bravery