Moms in Babeland

Sex Questions: What do kids really want and need to know?

When it comes to answering questions about sex from my 10-year-old, I try to remain open, find out what she’s really asking, and then give her straight forward, age appropriate answers. I don’t completely censor every aspect of my “adult” life from her, but there is no need to put it in her face either. I am lucky to have a remarkable daughter who has taught me almost as much in ten years as I have taught her. I go slow and keep her comfort level in mind. One of the best tricks you can use for doing this, which I picked up from a fellow mom at Babeland, goes like this:

Kid: “Mom! What’s this …?” (Pointing at or asking about something sex related)

Parent: “Well, do you really wanna know?”

Kid: “Yes!” (We are all so curious aren’t we?)

Parent: “It has to do with sex…”

Kid: “Oh, eeew”

Parent: ‘Do you still wanna know?’

Kid: “No that’s OK” or “Umm, kinda”

When I try this with my daughter, I find that when she wants to know she’ll say “Yes” and the conversation will continue. If I feel something may be beyond what is appropriate I give her more general answers and let her know that we can talk about it down the road. If my daughter says “No,” I tend to not push the issue beyond focusing on any general concern that might be relevant and help her understand herself a bit more. My main goal at this stage in her life is to teach her as much self love and respect as possible, as well as keeping the trust and lines of communication open between us. As she gets older and even more curious I might have to sit her down and tell her something she pretends she doesn’t want to know about, but for now I will let her get back to her math homework

I look forward to contributing to a blog about moms that are also Babes and proud of it, because I am definitely one!

Related posts:

  1. Q: How should I handle my niece’s sex questions and my sister’s need (or right) to know?
  2. Q: What should I do when my 12-year-old asks me invasive questions about my sex life?
  3. Sex Ed: From One Generation to the Next
  4. How to Talk to Your Kids About Embarrassing Topics.
  5. Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids with Amy Lang, MA

6 Responses to “Sex Questions: What do kids really want and need to know?”

  1. Shanny says:

    This is one of the hardest pieces to navigate with little ones. I love the idea of checking in with them about how interested they really are and then letting them navigate their comfort levels. Thanks for the great advice.

  2. Rachel says:

    I haven’t offered an explanation of what sex “is” yet and haven’t been asked. How much did you tell your kids about that? Did you include procreation, or is that different? Hey I think I have my next blog post idea….

  3. Krista says:

    Thanks for your comments. This is definitely interesting territory to navigate! My daughter has a comic style book that I picked up for her long ago which explained with cartoon pictures the act of procreation and the way our bodies change. This did not touch on the pleasure aspects of sexuality much if at all and those are definitely areas that I anticipate will be the hardest to engage about. I am thankful to have great resources like Scarleteen and Moregasm for when she gets a bit older and really wants to find out more.

  4. My daughter is 10 and just entering the tween phase. She loves The Care & Keeping of You by American Girls Library. She appreciates when I am open and honest with her. I am raising her to be a Knowing Child (as opposed to Innocent Child)

  5. Krista says:

    Thanks so much TBK! I bought The Care and Keeping of You for my daughter this past weekend and she has already gone through the whole book.

  6. [...] questions at a rapid rate. I feel blessed that I can teach her and guide her, but also navigate her, as well as my own, limits. What happens, though, when a kid has a question and they don’t have someone to talk to? [...]

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