Moms in Babeland

Q: At what age is it OK to tell my daughter where the stash of condoms is and invite her to use them?

Amy Lang, MA answers questions about talking to kids about sex. She appears as part of our celebration of National Family Sex Education Month.

Q: I want my daughter to take full responsibility for her choices when she becomes sexually active. At what age is it ok to just tell her where the stash of condoms is and invite her to use them?

Amy: This is a values-based choice, so here’s my values-laden answer –  I’d say middle school. Just let her know you have a stash, where it is and that you expect her to wait to have sex until (you fill in this part), but if she doesn’t, then you expect her to protect herself from STDs and pregnancy.

Let her know it’s cool for her to practice putting them on a banana if she wants to and to feel free to open a package to see what they are like. You will also want to be sure she knows how to use them, so provide her with some info about that as well.

And there doesn’t appear to be any correlation between knowledge about, and access to, condoms and birth control with “permission” to have sex. If that’s in your head, you can let it go.

Have an anecdote or a comment about talking to your kids about sex? You can win prizes by posting comments on Moms in Babeland during October. Details.

Amy Lang, MA Guest Blogger
A sexual health educator for over 20 years, Amy Lang teaches parents and other folks how to talk to kids of any age about the birds and the bees. She is the author of the Mom’s Choice Award®  winning Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids – A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love, and Relationships and The Ask ANYTHING Journal. She created the lively and engaging video Birds + Bees + Kids: The Basics so parents can learn how to talk to their kids about sex and values without leaving the couch! Sign up for her newsletter and teleclasses at

Related posts:

  1. Q: Both my girls get all grossed out when I try to use sex terms. How can I help them get more comfortable with the subject?
  2. Q: The kids hear so much in school the negative side effects of sex. Do you have any tips on how to offer a more pleasure-positive counterpoint?
  3. Q: I don’t want to make heterosexual intercourse the definition of “sex.” To me oral, anal, hand jobs, same gender sex: it’s all equally part of the deal. So how do I present it that way?
  4. Q: How do I talk to my 5-year-old about masturbation?
  5. Q: How should I handle my niece’s sex questions and my sister’s need (or right) to know?

topics: Parenting

One Response to “Q: At what age is it OK to tell my daughter where the stash of condoms is and invite her to use them?”

  1. Alice Skary says:

    This is good advice. When I was 13, my mother would always invite me to USE condoms, which was very threatening to me. I didn’t end up having penetrative sex until I was 19, which was a great time for me and no problem. At 13, it was like, “EWWWW! Mommmmm!” …. But if she’d said, I want you to know where these are and feel free to open one to see how they work, read the packaging, etc — that would’ve been much less ‘ew’ to me.

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