Moms in Babeland

Adult Sleepover Etiquette

This week my partner and I are about to take a big step. He is going to stay the night on a school night while my son is home. I know that the idea of an adult sleepover is not a big deal to my son–his dad lives with his girlfriend–but mom’s house is different. It is the house that is always structured and safe, and for the last three years has been inhabited by only my son, the dog and me.

There are so many questions about our behavior as a couple as we take this next step, “Do we still shower together or do we need to shower separately?” and “Do we have sex if we are in the mood?”.My partner is nervous that we may be giving the wrong impression about showering together, but I try very hard to not have body/nudity shame in the house and feel that showering together is not going to send mixed messages or disinformation to J (my son).

As far as sex is concerned, I know that once J is asleep he will sleep through a bomb exploding. I also know that walking in on mom having sex with someone is challenging for everyone:  just ask anyone who has ever experienced that. I do believe that this may happen eventually, but don’t want it to happen the first time my partner sleeps over.

I know that over-thinking the situation is what will make it awkward. I also know that because this is someone that both J and I love and want in our lives for years to come that we need to take this step…I just wish it wasn’t so anxiety producing.

For some lively discussions related to this topic, check out single moms’ forum, or poke around the blog of  Single Mom Seeking.

And I want to hear from you single moms, or former single moms: How did you deal with the adult sleepover etiquette?

Related posts:

  1. Dating Logistics for the Single Parent
  2. Q: When (if ever) should I show my child a photograph of an aroused adult, or of adults having sex?

6 Responses to “Adult Sleepover Etiquette”

  1. Anne says:

    You are smart to be cautious, but also you’ll probably worry far out of proportion to your son’s experience. If he knows and likes your partner already, I think you’re set up for success. And the solution to the fear of the child walking in on sex: lock on the door!

  2. Joanna says:

    It is so comforting to hear another single mom “worrying” about these things. As if raising a child alone was not enough, the whole dating and sex as a single mom issue is so controversial. We have to embrace on being a great role model to our kids above all, but also a supporting and commited partner to our significant other, and keeping our own identity as a woman. Its a balancing act which is not easy to master, but never impossible. Best of luck to you and us all.

  3. Duane says:

    A novel solution to this problem would be date until you are ready to be in a committed relationship, get engaged and then marry. After marrying then there is no pretense of playing house and the whole matter is quite legitimate.

  4. Shannon says:

    Well, Duane. I am not that kind of girl. I have been with my partner for 2 years and am very much committed to this person. I appreciate that you believe that marriage comes first…but I learned that lesson and will not ever take that walk down the aisle again.

  5. [...] you like your date, you will eventually have to navigate the logistical challenges of where to spend the night. In this excellent blog post on The Gloss, one mom explains her decision to never have a lover [...]

  6. Cassy says:

    As long as there is no negative feelings between your son and your partner I think it should be fine. I was terrified when having a sleep over at my boyfriends for the first time with his daughter there. We get along very well so she has no issues. Make sure the bedroom door has a lock and you’ll be fine.

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