Moms in Babeland

What My Mom Taught Me About Sex

As an adult I have looked back on my sex education and feel really grateful. I went to school in a city with a very thorough and liberal sex ed program. I had a mom who would sit up late and have really honest conversations with me. I had an older sister who took it upon herself to teach me the lessons of life through her trials and tribulations…I was surrounded by smart, independent and resilient women.

I don’t have any memory of one specific sex talk from my mom. I know that there were instances where she would politely tell me that something was inappropriate. Like when I would walk through the house singing Salt-N-Pepas “Shoop” or the time I referenced a blow job, thinking it had to do with blowing air in someone’s face. Then there were the times when she would try and de-stigmatize sex. Like when she asked if I wanted to try and rent the porn Sylvester Stallone was in.

Through everything, my mom is who taught me how to relate to people and gave me great dating advice (thanks again for the day of shopping and listening to a break up mix tape my junior year). As I have taken steps into my own womanhood, I have had the pleasure of spending time with my mom and learned that my mother and grandmother went through the same moment of growth that I myself had just passed through with my divorce…the moment when you realize that you can and will survive and don’t need anyone else around to do it. My mom is a total bad ass who continues to amaze me everyday and I feel lucky to have such an amazing woman in my life. This post is not entirely sex specific but I do believe that these moments and women in my life have shaped me to become the strong, proud, mother and sexuality educator that I am today.

Related posts:

  1. Mom Taught Me Where Babies Come From
  2. What Our Moms Taught Us About Sex
  3. Good Advice From Mom: Always Use Condoms
  4. Moms Find It Hard to Talk Sex

12 Responses to “What My Mom Taught Me About Sex”

  1. jenmay says:

    So funny! I thought a blow job was something you did with a hair dryer. I wish I could recall one memory of my mother talking about sex with me – sadly I can’t but I think I turned out OK. Glad you are paying it forward and educating others.

  2. my mom taught me very little. just the basics and NOT to do it. i on the other hand am teaching my girls MUCH differently. here’s a snippet:

  3. Shanny says:

    Claire that is a great anecdote thanks for sharing.

  4. Monica says:

    I can’t say my mom was too “open” when it came to sex, not when I was young anyway. The funniest thing that I guess you could say she taught me was when I was I have to say 21. Now I already had a daughter by that time so it was obvious I had sex before! But I had asked my grandmother to babysit my daughter (she was 2 at the time) because I was dating this guy and we were gonna go out then spend the night in a hotel. So for some reason I just wasn’t feeling this guy and yeah I spent the night with him but didn’t have sex with him and oh he was mad! So when I went to my grandmothers in the morning to pick up my daughter my mom was there too and the were chit-chatting or whatever. So I come in and they’re both like how was your night? So I told them the truth and my mom was like, “you didn’t have sex with him?” All in disbelief and I told her I wasn’t feeling it or him actually and she says to me (yes in front of grandma) Monica when a guys thing gets hard he can’t just not have sex, that’s not very nice and it hurts them (physically is what she meant). I thought it was so funny, that obviously I know about “blue balls” but that my mom was like upset with me that I got him all “up” and didn’t finish the job. And my grandmother AGREED!! It was too funny. Me and my mom talk about sex with each other (I’m now 28) but nothing in detail, we could though cuz neither of us are uncomfortable.

  5. [...] what about how Rachel and Shannon moms influenced their sex lives, or comment here on your own experience. For all comments posted [...]

  6. Sarah says:

    To Claire – That is awesome!!!
    As I read Claire’s blog I say to myself “that is the kid of mom I want to be” including a self appointed mother of the year :)

    I would have to say mom my was pretty open about sex…some times TMI. Now that I have kids (they are only 3 & 18 mo old) I have thought about the sex conversations. I want to them to feel completely comfortable coming to me with any questions. There for I know I have to well educated, I do this my reading, listen to sex education podcast, and my own experience.

  7. Nora says:

    The story I tell about my Mom and my sex life took place when I was 19 and my then boyfriend (now husband) and I were going to start living together. My mother, a very Catholic woman (five children, no birth control, Mass every Sunday, all kids in Catholic school, the whole 9 yards) took me out to this park so we could talk without my brothers and sister (and my father, I suppose) being around to eavesdrop. There she told me that I would be committing adultery against my future husband (yes, I have yet to figure out whether that was a sin when we were living together and retroactively became okay when we married), and that it was a really bad idea all around, but she couldn’t really stop me, and if I wanted to ruin my life,well, that was my business.

    On the way home, she was driving and I was sitting in the front seat, and she said, without looking at me, “I suppose you’ll be going on the pill now.” I said, “No,” and in that instant, her hands clutched the steering wheel as if she were about to shatter the thing. I immediately added, “I’m already using the diaphragm,” and her hands relaxed. “Well, that’s better,” she said, which struck me, even at the time, as kind of funny — yes, it was a mortal sin to be having sex with my boyfriend, and a mortal sin to be using birth control, but on the other hand, she really didn’t want to see me pregnant at 19, and so I think her motherly instincts won out over her Catholic upbringing there.

    Interestingly, when my younger sister was planning to get married to a guy who struck the rest of the family as kind of a loser, my mother said to me (this was years later) that it would have been much better if my sister had just lived with her boyfriend instead of marrying him. I nearly fell off my chair.

  8. My mom really didnt teach me much about sex either; I wonder if you will find that among wome of a certain age due to morality constants during that time period. I have to admit that I am seemingly going down that path myself; Good thing to reflect on this Mother’s Day.

  9. Colleen Duncan says:

    My mom and I have great memories of “sex talks at Wendy’s” where we would go have cokes and fries and talk about boys. She was very open and never put me down for what I see now were hard to answer questions such as, “how does it feel?” We had a good time, I felt like it wasn’t a mystery I just HAD to do, and it set the tone for me to have sex talks with MY daughter, although, ours are a bit more…open and encompassing than the ones with my mother. My daughter is going to start waxing as I do, whereas, my mother wouldn’t even get why anyone would shave much less wax! lol Being a mom is fab. You just can’t leave anything out! My mom didn’t, and I’m not either.

  10. Jeff says:

    I learned that sex is a great wonderful thing that OTHER PEOPLE DO.

    I had the strange misfortune of not only having extremely religious parents but doctors as well so I received an extremely analytical & repressed form of sex education. I learned all you could possibly learned from a medical point of view & the physics behind sex. I also learned that only evil people do it & that anything even remotely related to love or fun is strictly forbidden.

    Sadly these things propelled me down the road of chauvinism, misogyny, insecurities abound and lots of false-starts in my sexual life & ultimately made me a depressed person. Thank goodness I have a wonderful wife who has accepted my issues & demanded that I get help to fix them. Now I have an egalitarian and loving sex life that is all parts loving, sexy, kinky and fun. I couldn’t ask for more from my wife, she is the best wife, mother & partner one could ever have or hope for. Happy Mother’s Day!

  11. Lisa says:

    My mother showed me that sex should be FUN! Regardless of what sort of stuff she told me, the way she lived her life and her interaction with my dad was the biggest thing she could teach. They were always playful with one another. Of course it helped that day I came home at 14 years old to find my mom running and giggling with her pants around her ankles and my dad chasing her with a ruler. LMAO!

  12. The good Baptist moms only told you that “bad girls do and good girls don’t.” So what my sisters and I learned about sex was from school bus chatter or such. I have made sure that my daughter and I have talked about sex since she came home from school in Kindergarten and asked what the “f” word meant. Now she is 21 and I am 45. I have just finished reading “Moregasm” (refresher course) and have given it to her so that she will understand that I is important that she be totally satisfied with whatever sex she is having. It is no longer about making sure that he is the only one satisfied.

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