What a powerful female icon she is, and in recent interviews about directing W.E. (a biopic of Wallis Simpson) we’re reminded of just how many glass ceilings she broke through in the entertainment industry, all with her signature blend of sex and strength. Madonna’s moment of sexy mom-ness came for me when she had her first child (at the same time as I had my first daughter), and dedicated the song Ray of Light to daughter Lourdes. While other moms were playing Raffi for their kids, I cranked up Ray of Light, because the lyric “And I feel like I just got home” perfectly described that deeply intimate love I felt about my new daughter.  To this day when that song come on, my girls and dance  to it with joy and abandon!

She’s a powerful role model for girls who want to be strong, brave, and true to themselves, despite societal pressure to be otherwise, which was so poignantly rendered in this song “What if Feels Like for a Girl:”

Strong inside but you don’t know it
Good little girls they never show it
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak

Want to see who else is on the celebrity moms list? My sexy celebrity moms offer something for all of us. Even it was just for a moment, each one of these ladies put a real face on motherhood, and gave us a glimpse of her sexy mom-ness in all its sensual glory. These moms are sexy to me because they are galvanized by their mom power, radiating strength, intelligence, beauty, and brazenness. Stay tuned for more!

It’s all in the approach

“The first thing I say to fourth graders is This is not about how to have sex. This is about your body and how it works. I know you all think having sex is gross and you’re never going to do it. Well, you never have to have sex in your life, but you’re always going to have sexual health to think about. You’re always going to have those parts. We’re here to talk about body science.’”

A little humor works magic

“I tell kids to think like scientists and that scientists never say “ewwww”, they say “in-ter-esting.” It works like a charm, the kids enjoy repeating it, and the teachers use that for the rest of the school year.”

On telling preschoolers about condoms

“Kids find them on the playground and in the street and want to blow them up or use them as marble bags, so I explain what they’re for, in a way that helps them to grow up feeling good about using condoms and expecting to use them. One of my favorite responses came when I was talking to tenth graders, (I’d been talking to them since they were preschoolers). Eventually one of them said during my presentation about contraception: ‘What do you do if you want to have a baby?’ I was staggered, I’d truly not met a group before who’d grown up expecting to use condoms, and I said, ‘Have sex without a condom,’ and they went ‘Oh gross, you put it in there bare naked?!’”

The subject that pushes parents’ buttons most: masturbation

“I call it the “M-word.” Nobody wants to bring it up, but they all want to talk about it. They say, ‘We realize that it’s normal and healthy, but we don’t know what to say when he’s sitting in front of the TV, uh, hanging on to it.’ I explain that masturbation in the strictest medical sense is anything we do that gives us pleasure and releases tension—twirling our hair, scratching our chin—anything we do when we’re nervous or upset. That relaxes everybody. They ask, ‘Do you say to a three-year-old “That’s masturbation, you can do it in the bedroom?’ and I say ‘It’s up to you, you can call it what you like, but the message needs to be that it’s private.’

The joys of sexuality

“Children should grow up knowing that sexual activity is a healthy part of a healthy committed relationship, so I’m always saying to parents, ‘For goodness sake, celebrate the fact that you’re still attracted to each other!’ I joke with them and say, ‘The biggest secret in the whole world is that Saturday morning cartoons were invented so parents can have sex.’ We don’t celebrate healthy sexuality nearly enough in our society, we’re so hung up on the horror we grew up with about our parents being sexual. If we had people talking to us when we were preschoolers, telling us ‘This is what normal, healthy loving people enjoy,’ then we wouldn’t have been grossed out when we found at that our parents were having sex.

Meg’s books,  Speaking of Sex and More Speaking of Sex are full of wonderful advice, frank talk, and more humorous anecdotes.

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Sure we love the classics like Singing in the Rain, but there ain’t much of a social message there. Give us Hairspray with the drag queen mom, the fat-positive teenage lead, and the civil rights struggle. And they adored The Rocky Horror Picture Show with its fabulous soundtrack and lore–but boy did I answer a lot of questions about transvestites, bisexuality, and geez, even cannibalism. In South Pacific the characters struggle with racism, interracial relationships, and children born out of wedlock. In Funny Girl they see a driven and talented career showgirl who earns more money than her husband (and does exactly what she wants while telling everyone else not to rain on her parade).

Newer musicals like Rent have taught them compassion for the sick and revealed the legacy of AIDS and the dangers of IV drug use, while celebrating homosexuality (gay and lesbian!) and the bohemian artist’s  life and travails. Wicked, my daughter’s favorite,(which is based on a fantastic book by Gregory Maguire), is a clever political allegory about idealism, disillusionment, and rebellion, all played out while a powerful friendship emerges.

So, parents, if you’re looking for a new way to talk about some of these important issues–including sex–with your kids, watch a musical tonight! And if this post resonated with any of you, I’d love to hear what musicals have moved you or your kids.

I want to share with you this lovely story, telling of fertility and the cycle of life. Connecting a trip to Babeland and (a big Dildo!) in a Sherman Alexie story. Along with some other big dildo magic.

“For those of us who were not immaculately conceived, we need sex to have babies. And we need a lot of laughter to survive pregnancy and parenting in a healthy state of mind.”

My story of stories is actually about another Sherman Alexie book: The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian. I knew of Sherman Alexie from school in Arizona, reading Reservation Blues seems almost like a lifetime ago.

This is my experience, life as a mom and a babe and someone dating another single parent… and the holidays. I purchased this book in an actual bookstore over the holidays for my lover’s son who is about my daughter’s age. I didn’t read the book, but I read the reviews. I thought it couldn’t be more scathing than the video games he plays where he tauts guns and bombs and someone dies every second, so I got it for him. I had already decided I was going to get him a book.
“A book?” my lover said. “I think he would prefer a nerf gun”.
“Nope I will buy you a gun, (shaped object) but I will not get one for a kid.”

So I snatched up the Alexie book and thought it should be a good read! Well let me tell you this boy really likes this book. He read right through it and I still saw it around by his stuff. His dad said he loved it. Now remember I said I didn’t read the book? It turns out this young boy’s mom eventually did read it after her son seemed to love it so much, and found that it made reference to OMGoodness…masturbation and boners.

Oh no!! What had I done!? Had I exposed this 11 year old to his first dose of sexuality in the form of literature? I doubt it.

I am pretty sure this t’ween knows what a boner is. Not that I wasn’t slightly mortified to hear of his mother’s reaction. Which as far as I could tell was mostly chastising of the book and the boy’s father and likely me, although I was spared the actual words.

I do regret not reading this book before I gave it as a gift. Would I not have given it if I knew it talked about masturbation? Would you? Part of me wants to get a copy for my daughter and I to read. I see that the book was actually banned and then un-banned by people who originally didn’t read it.

I personally think it is important to keep the library open and full of books that might be controversial to some, because the truth is we are all born of “the sacred in the profane.” I think reading is so important to our expanding and growing minds. If a child finds a book they love or connect with that is a beautiful thing. And I don’t think sexuality and real language should be kept away from young people while they are unquestionably exposed to violence. What do you think? Tell me, I can take it.

Excerpted From Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting it on Again (Collins, 2009) By Ian Kerner, Ph.D, author of She Comes First and Passionista, and Heidi Raykeil, author of Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido

This may seem like an advanced topic to discuss with babies and toddlers, but as their main teachers it’s important for parents and caregivers to help them develop a healthy attitude toward sexuality. For children up to age two you can begin by naming all the parts of their bodies, teaching them that their entire body is natural and healthy. (“This is your arm.This is your elbow.This is your vulva/penis.This is your knee.”) By reacting calmly when they touch their genitals, you are teaching them that sexual feelings are normal and healthy. By holding them, hugging them, talking with them, and responding to their needs, you are laying the groundwork for trust and open discussions as they grow up.

Preschoolers, at aged three to four years, are learning about their bodies. They learn about their world through play. They begin to ask questions about where babies come from. They can understand simple answers but do not understand abstract ideas or adult sexual behaviors.They can learn simple things about health, such as bathing, washing their hands, brushing their teeth, eating nutritiously, and napping.They can begin to accept the need for privacy. The best thing a parent can do at this stage is to create an environment where children will feel comfortable asking questions about their bodies, health, and sexuality. Children will then learn that sexuality is something that you are comfortable discussing in your home.

Sharing information about sexuality when your children are young provides a healthy, communicative environment that sets a precedent early. Through understanding that sexuality is a normal part of their lives, your children will be able to make more informed choices as they grow older.

Excerpted from SIECUS FAMILIES ARE TALKING Newsletter,Volume 2, Number 2, 2003. Learn more about SIECUS.

Have an anecdote or a comment about talking to your kids about sex? You can win prizes by posting comments on Moms in Babeland during October. Details.

My Sweet Daughter,

I have taught you so much over the years, and now I need to talk to you a bit about love and sex. I want to share with you the little bit I’ve learned in my life, and offer you a man’s perspective, to help set you on a path toward happy and satisfying relationships. As you move through them, you get to write your own detailed and profound beginnings, middles and perhaps ends on this subject.

First, let me also acknowledge that what a man, a partner, a father says about sex is limited to what they know, what they have experienced, what they can imagine.  And, this also assumes you are interested in men.  If it is women, or both for you, than much of this still applies, please change the pronouns.

• A man needs to be taught what feels good to a woman. You are the teacher.  Men see examples, many bad, in Internet porn or the like, but that may not include what you like, so you need to be the real thing, the real teacher, not an example or a stereotype.  You need to create, lead, teach the tender or wild or whatever sex you like at the moment with that partner.  Many men need to be told to slow down and explore what feels good to the woman they are with.

• Pregnancy should not be a surprise. Use contraception. Don’t assume your partner will take care of it, and don’t take “no” for an answer. Sex is better without that risk.  Same for AIDS and other transmitted diseases. Research your options in advance and if you choose condoms, which are especially good for disease prevention, learn how to put them on your man with style and flourish.

• The setting is important. Awkward settings may be associated with tense, exciting, explosive sex, but they can also be disappointing if you are inhibited by time, discomfort, fear of being discovered, etc.  Look for peace and privacy when you want to get to know and harmonize with someone.

• Young men are easy to please. Many young women are harder to please.  So sex between young people needs to be about the woman first.  This is an easy thing for a man to say to a man, but how does a woman say it to a man?  Gently and clearly! You will be rewarded in the long (and short) run.

• Sex is in our minds, even more than in our bodies. Who and why we are attracted to someone is one of the mysteries of the universe, so allow yourself to acknowledge the minds and bodies that are interesting to you. Try not to have sex with men you do not find exciting. It usually just doesn’t go as well. And remember, drugs make us less discriminating and can impair ordinarily sound judgment.

• Friendship is important. My experience, looking back to time before marriage, is that friendship enhances sex greatly (love can make it unpredictable, amazing, and hyper-emotional).  Friendship acts as a communication catalyst that allows some lovers to talk about sex (and talk about love too) and to make sex mutually amazing or even transcendent.

• Sometimes sex is about the woman only, or the man only, and the joy comes in giving pleasure to one’s partner. The key to this is taking turns. If your partner does not practice a perceived equity in satisfying you, teach him to, or move on. Sex is often an indicator of how other parts of the partnership will go.

• Be creative. Experiment if you want, but be in control. Communicate as you experiment. Try fantasy, which can include many different roles and props, and adds a levity to sex you will enjoy.

• Let a special man be your teacher. Let him teach you exactly how he likes to be touched–without being offended. No book or video can match play-by-play feedback.

Finally, keep in mind that transcendent sex comes with a mental connection and a love that soars over the boundaries of everyday conventions; it delights in each moment and in expectation of the next without needing to move from now to then.  It lives with less concern for orgasm and more delight in play, in touching, in kissing.  It lives in glowing sensation and desire, spawned as a side effect of two minds harmonizing.

With infinite love,
Dad

Those moments when your kids, your friend’s kids, or your nieces and nephews ask questions pertaining to sex are going to sneak up on you and faster than you think. It’s good to start thinking  about how to respond now, so that you are prepared or else something like this could happen. We live in a sex negative culture where it is okay for little girls to get bikini waxes, or “Virgin Waxes” and wear push up bras, but taboo to use anatomical words for body parts. This sex positive parenting discussion is a step towards a more sex positive world for all of us.

Personally, I found that talking about sex and body parts happens earlier than you expect. I was singing songs about body parts with my now 9 month old, and while cute to sing about toes and feet, and to point out knees and ears, when he grabbed his penis for the first time, I sure didn’t sing about it. But, like the good sex educator/new mom that I am, I made up a penis song too.
Example topics brought up by participants at past discussions:
My 2 year old daughter likes to grab my penis
My 9 year old son saw his other brother having sex
My child’s classmate is transgendered
My daughter’s preschool called CPS because she liked touching her vagina
My pre-teen daughter asked for a push-up bra

Here is the info for this weekends discussion:

A few people who know quite a bit about the sexy art of fisting are on a mission to demystify the practice and bring it out of the bedroom and into porn. I mean everything else happens in porn, why would this common practice among lesbian, straight, gay and all other kinds of lovers be left out of the mix?

If Courtney Trouble and Jiz Lee have their way we will be seeing some of this super intense and satisfying practice in porn soon. They have declared October 21st ‘Fisting Day’ and they would like us to join in celebrating the act of fisting in hopes to give it the legitimacy and place in the porn of our future that it so rightly deserves.

I think someone once told me that you can’t show fisting on porn DVDs because it was considered obscene. Which doesn’t make much sense in comparison to what is allowed. (No, I am not going to link examples, but I am pretty sure you can think of something you have seen in porn that was more shocking than this – image NSFW) The truth is that is not the case. Courtney explains:

Fisting: When one person puts their hand into another person’s erogenous entries. It requires some patience and some lube, but it’s just sex – and there are certainly bigger things you can put in those holes.

Why: Many companies are afraid of getting hit by an obscenity lawsuit and ending up in court over it, although, there have been no major cases against fisting, consent and pleasure are always shown in my scenes, and, its funny – these companies usually carry things that have been brought to court, or brought to obscenity charges, many times – while fisting is still “not allowed.” I’ve even seen some of these stores in question carry Max Hardcore films, and HE WENT TO JAIL FOR OBSCENITY CHARGES, for things much, much more “questionable” than hand sex.

I am happy to join them in this ode to fisting. Fisting is beautiful, intimate, loving and satisfying sex practice. It should not cause pain to the recipient or the giver and it is more likely than many other practices to really stimulate all the right places, i.e. the G-spot and the vaginal opening simultaneously and intensely. You may not know that fisting isn’t just for vaginas either. Both male and female bodied people can thoroughly enjoy the stimulation of anal fisting. So don’t be afraid of this taboo sex practice. Just remember to use lots of slippery lube and go slow! Celebrate the ability of our bodies to stimulate and please in ways we might have not thought possible. Many thanks and best of luck to Trouble and Jiz for creating International Fisting Day and putting this topic into the forefront of our thought and getting it into our porn where we can truly enjoy it with them.