There are so many questions about our behavior as a couple as we take this next step, “Do we still shower together or do we need to shower separately?” and “Do we have sex if we are in the mood?”.My partner is nervous that we may be giving the wrong impression about showering together, but I try very hard to not have body/nudity shame in the house and feel that showering together is not going to send mixed messages or disinformation to J (my son).

As far as sex is concerned, I know that once J is asleep he will sleep through a bomb exploding. I also know that walking in on mom having sex with someone is challenging for everyone:  just ask anyone who has ever experienced that. I do believe that this may happen eventually, but don’t want it to happen the first time my partner sleeps over.

I know that over-thinking the situation is what will make it awkward. I also know that because this is someone that both J and I love and want in our lives for years to come that we need to take this step…I just wish it wasn’t so anxiety producing.

For some lively discussions related to this topic, check out single moms’ forum, or poke around the blog of  Single Mom Seeking.

And I want to hear from you single moms, or former single moms: How did you deal with the adult sleepover etiquette?

1. She will learn where her clitoris is, and this will unlock the secrets of her sexuality. If your kids are learning anything at all in school regarding sex, chances are the location of the clit, and how to pleasure it, are not on the curriculum. Most schools’ sex education is limited to discussions of disease prevention (which focus more on condoms and penises than clits), and contraception (again, no need to mention the clitoris here). So as a good parent who supplements all that is lacking in your child’s education, you can explain this yourself or at least give her access to a good book or web site. But her explorations may still not be as fruitful as her male counterparts’ will be—unless you give her a vibrator, and that leads us to reason number 2:

2. A vibrator can give her an orgasm. Maybe you don’t want to take credit for your daughter’s first orgasm, but let me ask you this: would you rather she didn’t have one? Since most women require a little assistance in order to achieve orgasm, a vibrator really can be the thing that helps her figure this out at 18 rather than 48 (and let me tell you at Babeland we sell a lot of vibrators to older women for this very reason). Once she experiences an orgasm and understands this part of her sexuality, she will be more capable of enjoying and subsequently owning decisions regarding her sexuality.

So IMHO, an excellent graduation of birthday gift for any young woman would be a vibrator and a copy of the book Moregasm. It would be like getting a driver’s license and a car at the same time!

And as a mom who puts her money where here mouth is, I tried giving my daughter a vibrator when she was 14, along with a great book and and a pep talk for self-pleasure, because I thought it was an important gesture to make for the two reasons above. She wasn’t ready for it and returned it to my room, but I feel confident that when she is, at least she knows where to find it.

What Makes a Baby is a children’s picture book about where babies come from that is totally unique and unlike any other because it’s written and illustrated to include all kinds of kids, all kinds of adults, and all kinds of families.

Geared to readers from pre-school to about 8 years old, it teaches curious kids about conception, gestation, and birth in a way that works regardless of whether or not the kid in question was adopted, conceived using reproductive technologies at home or in a clinic, through surrogacy, or the old fashioned way (you know, with two people and some sexual intercourse).  And it fits for all families regardless of how many people are involved, their orientation, gender and other identity.

Best of all, it’s being lovingly produced in the spirit of classic books like Where Did I Come From? as a full color, hard cover picture book, one that kids and parents will want to pick up and read.

The thing is, the author, Cory Silverberg, needs your help to get it published. He’s set up a Kickstarter page where you can donate/become a backer, watch a video about the project, and follow the progress of this fantastic book. Do it now!

1. Use Babelube as makeup. Dab a little onto your lips; it will double as lip gloss, giving them a nice shine, and then when you offer up a blow job later, your lips are already primed with extra slipperiness.
2. Use lube to enhance erogenous zones. Babelube silicone can be used as a moisturizing lotion on sensitive and dry skin. Rub a little Babelube silicone on your hands, arms, and legs and impress your lover with how soft your skin feels.
3. Use lube for foreplay. Silicone lube doubles nicely as a massage oil, plus the silver lining is you can go right from a erotic massage into penetration with it.
4. Use lube to sexy up safer sex. Dab a little Inside a latex glove. Without lube, latex gloves can require tugging and pulling to get on, but with a little lube placed on the hand before putting on the glove, it slides right on. You’ll also find that you feel what’s going on with your fingers better too.
5. Use lube to enhance sensation: Make sure to put a drop or two of lube in the tip of the condom before putting it on. It slides around on the head of the penis and feel oh so much better for the guy for sure.
6. Use lube to do your own sex research. Don your best Kinsey lab coat, invest in a lube sampler pack, and have fun testing out several different kinds of lube all in one night. Rate them yourself on things like “slipperiness,” “taste,” “duration,” and “most likely to be used by a celebrity!”

Not sure what kind to get? This Lube Guide can help, or buy a Sliquid Lube Cube and you can experiment with different kinds, plus $2 of your purchase goes to Immigration Equality.

What a powerful female icon she is, and in recent interviews about directing W.E. (a biopic of Wallis Simpson) we’re reminded of just how many glass ceilings she broke through in the entertainment industry, all with her signature blend of sex and strength. Madonna’s moment of sexy mom-ness came for me when she had her first child (at the same time as I had my first daughter), and dedicated the song Ray of Light to daughter Lourdes. While other moms were playing Raffi for their kids, I cranked up Ray of Light, because the lyric “And I feel like I just got home” perfectly described that deeply intimate love I felt about my new daughter.  To this day when that song come on, my girls and dance  to it with joy and abandon!

She’s a powerful role model for girls who want to be strong, brave, and true to themselves, despite societal pressure to be otherwise, which was so poignantly rendered in this song “What if Feels Like for a Girl:”

Strong inside but you don’t know it
Good little girls they never show it
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak

Want to see who else is on the celebrity moms list? My sexy celebrity moms offer something for all of us. Even it was just for a moment, each one of these ladies put a real face on motherhood, and gave us a glimpse of her sexy mom-ness in all its sensual glory. These moms are sexy to me because they are galvanized by their mom power, radiating strength, intelligence, beauty, and brazenness. Stay tuned for more!

It’s all in the approach

“The first thing I say to fourth graders is This is not about how to have sex. This is about your body and how it works. I know you all think having sex is gross and you’re never going to do it. Well, you never have to have sex in your life, but you’re always going to have sexual health to think about. You’re always going to have those parts. We’re here to talk about body science.’”

A little humor works magic

“I tell kids to think like scientists and that scientists never say “ewwww”, they say “in-ter-esting.” It works like a charm, the kids enjoy repeating it, and the teachers use that for the rest of the school year.”

On telling preschoolers about condoms

“Kids find them on the playground and in the street and want to blow them up or use them as marble bags, so I explain what they’re for, in a way that helps them to grow up feeling good about using condoms and expecting to use them. One of my favorite responses came when I was talking to tenth graders, (I’d been talking to them since they were preschoolers). Eventually one of them said during my presentation about contraception: ‘What do you do if you want to have a baby?’ I was staggered, I’d truly not met a group before who’d grown up expecting to use condoms, and I said, ‘Have sex without a condom,’ and they went ‘Oh gross, you put it in there bare naked?!’”

The subject that pushes parents’ buttons most: masturbation

“I call it the “M-word.” Nobody wants to bring it up, but they all want to talk about it. They say, ‘We realize that it’s normal and healthy, but we don’t know what to say when he’s sitting in front of the TV, uh, hanging on to it.’ I explain that masturbation in the strictest medical sense is anything we do that gives us pleasure and releases tension—twirling our hair, scratching our chin—anything we do when we’re nervous or upset. That relaxes everybody. They ask, ‘Do you say to a three-year-old “That’s masturbation, you can do it in the bedroom?’ and I say ‘It’s up to you, you can call it what you like, but the message needs to be that it’s private.’

The joys of sexuality

“Children should grow up knowing that sexual activity is a healthy part of a healthy committed relationship, so I’m always saying to parents, ‘For goodness sake, celebrate the fact that you’re still attracted to each other!’ I joke with them and say, ‘The biggest secret in the whole world is that Saturday morning cartoons were invented so parents can have sex.’ We don’t celebrate healthy sexuality nearly enough in our society, we’re so hung up on the horror we grew up with about our parents being sexual. If we had people talking to us when we were preschoolers, telling us ‘This is what normal, healthy loving people enjoy,’ then we wouldn’t have been grossed out when we found at that our parents were having sex.

Meg’s books,  Speaking of Sex and More Speaking of Sex are full of wonderful advice, frank talk, and more humorous anecdotes.

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Sure we love the classics like Singing in the Rain, but there ain’t much of a social message there. Give us Hairspray with the drag queen mom, the fat-positive teenage lead, and the civil rights struggle. And they adored The Rocky Horror Picture Show with its fabulous soundtrack and lore–but boy did I answer a lot of questions about transvestites, bisexuality, and geez, even cannibalism. In South Pacific the characters struggle with racism, interracial relationships, and children born out of wedlock. In Funny Girl they see a driven and talented career showgirl who earns more money than her husband (and does exactly what she wants while telling everyone else not to rain on her parade).

Newer musicals like Rent have taught them compassion for the sick and revealed the legacy of AIDS and the dangers of IV drug use, while celebrating homosexuality (gay and lesbian!) and the bohemian artist’s  life and travails. Wicked, my daughter’s favorite,(which is based on a fantastic book by Gregory Maguire), is a clever political allegory about idealism, disillusionment, and rebellion, all played out while a powerful friendship emerges.

So, parents, if you’re looking for a new way to talk about some of these important issues–including sex–with your kids, watch a musical tonight! And if this post resonated with any of you, I’d love to hear what musicals have moved you or your kids.

I want to share with you this lovely story, telling of fertility and the cycle of life. Connecting a trip to Babeland and (a big Dildo!) in a Sherman Alexie story. Along with some other big dildo magic.

“For those of us who were not immaculately conceived, we need sex to have babies. And we need a lot of laughter to survive pregnancy and parenting in a healthy state of mind.”

My story of stories is actually about another Sherman Alexie book: The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian. I knew of Sherman Alexie from school in Arizona, reading Reservation Blues seems almost like a lifetime ago.

This is my experience, life as a mom and a babe and someone dating another single parent… and the holidays. I purchased this book in an actual bookstore over the holidays for my lover’s son who is about my daughter’s age. I didn’t read the book, but I read the reviews. I thought it couldn’t be more scathing than the video games he plays where he tauts guns and bombs and someone dies every second, so I got it for him. I had already decided I was going to get him a book.
“A book?” my lover said. “I think he would prefer a nerf gun”.
“Nope I will buy you a gun, (shaped object) but I will not get one for a kid.”

So I snatched up the Alexie book and thought it should be a good read! Well let me tell you this boy really likes this book. He read right through it and I still saw it around by his stuff. His dad said he loved it. Now remember I said I didn’t read the book? It turns out this young boy’s mom eventually did read it after her son seemed to love it so much, and found that it made reference to OMGoodness…masturbation and boners.

Oh no!! What had I done!? Had I exposed this 11 year old to his first dose of sexuality in the form of literature? I doubt it.

I am pretty sure this t’ween knows what a boner is. Not that I wasn’t slightly mortified to hear of his mother’s reaction. Which as far as I could tell was mostly chastising of the book and the boy’s father and likely me, although I was spared the actual words.

I do regret not reading this book before I gave it as a gift. Would I not have given it if I knew it talked about masturbation? Would you? Part of me wants to get a copy for my daughter and I to read. I see that the book was actually banned and then un-banned by people who originally didn’t read it.

I personally think it is important to keep the library open and full of books that might be controversial to some, because the truth is we are all born of “the sacred in the profane.” I think reading is so important to our expanding and growing minds. If a child finds a book they love or connect with that is a beautiful thing. And I don’t think sexuality and real language should be kept away from young people while they are unquestionably exposed to violence. What do you think? Tell me, I can take it.