Moms in Babeland

Sex RX for the Ladies: Get Yourself A Piece of Mind(fulness)

If the key to getting and staying turned on is peace of mind, the practice of Mindfulness might be just the hobby to help us start feeling like getting more of a piece of…ass. What is mindfulness? It just means paying attention to what’s going on right now; being aware of the present moment. In life, and particularly in parenting, it’s so easy to get caught up in the future (ie: worrying or planning) or caught in the past (ie: wishful regrets or blaming) that we’re not really here 100 percent. We give our kids time outs to help ground them and bring them back to reality when they’re freaking out, but we rarely do the same. Taking the time to be here, now, can make us better parents and better lovers. We have to be here—not a million miles away on the stress bus careening out of control—but here, fully present and sane with our kids. Similarly, we need to be grounded in the moment, and ourselves, before we can enjoy and share those selves with another person (in bed).
You don’t need Enya or incense, or even a quiet place to practice mindfulness. In fact, it’s probably most helpful to you in those times you feel most hectic; running errands, dealing with the kids, whenever, whereever. Taking a minute or two to be mindful and gather yourself can help. A good place to start is with your body:

Pay attention to your breath when you’re frustrated, or just whenever you think of it throughout the day. Focus on feeling the air coming in and out of your nose.

When you’re standing, take a minute to notice your feet on the ground. Really try to feel them touching the ground. When your mind wanders, and it will, take a breath and start over again until you really start to feel grounded. Wash. Rinse. Repeat as needed.

Excerpted From Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting it on Again (Collins, 2009) By Ian Kerner, Ph.D, author of She Comes First and Passionista, and Heidi Raykeil, author of Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido

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