Moms in Babeland

Archive for the ‘Sexual Health’ Category

Perimenopause is Not a Place in Thailand

I woke up at five in the morning to my three-year-old daughter’s foot in my scapula. She found the exact spot where I am in the most pain. Tension. The awareness of morning crept in. My low back was aching. It felt like three in the morning, but with all the wiggling, I cannot sleep, and, finally, I am just awake. Gosh, she wiggles. My lower back, particularly on the left side, has been gnawing in dull throbs of pain. My neck is tight to the point of cutting off circulation to my left hand, and my entire body is twisted into some weird contortion. I wonder why I ever insisted on attachment parenting. I could never put any one of my three children to bed in another room, or allow them to (horror!) “cry it out”. Read the full post »

Keep the Condoms Handy

In order to illustrate the importance of sex education (and on behalf of SIECUS our fundraising recipient this month), we asked our staff to contribute stories or anecdotes about their own sexual awakening or what kind of sex education they received. Feel free to share your comments on the Moms in Babeland blog and you could win a toy!

V writes:
Although I considered myself sexually active starting when I was 16 years old, I didn’t have intercourse until I was 19. I wanted to wait until I was ready, and until I was in love. My boyfriend at the time was not a virgin and also did not assume we were going to use a condom; I had to request it (I was also on the Pill at the time). He was ready to go ahead without one and I remember saying, “Are you kidding?” I had been given some free condoms by my college RA, which I had been carrying around in my purse every time I saw this particular guy — an optimistic gesture. Read the full post »

The Virgin Diaries: This Mom’s Hope for Her Son

After reading reviews of Bristol Palin’s memoir which just hit shelves I was reminded of my own first time. It was, unfortunately, not too far off from Bristol’s. This made me think about what I want for my own child’s first time and what I would like to see in his memoir.

I hope that he knows that he doesn’t need to lie to me. If there is someone that he is genuinely interested in pursuing then I want to support him. I know that he will not always choose to surround himself with people or situations I wholeheartedly approve of, but I will support his decisions as long as those people are respectful to him and that he remains respectful to himself. I would rather him know that he could call me and get out of a situation than feel really trapped or alone if a situation gets bad. Read the full post »

Arousal Gel Helps Post-Baby Sensitivity

Moms: when you buy the Blossom Organics Arousal Gel and Lube at Babeland during April, 10% of the sale goes to our eco-fundraising partner, Grist. Plus, we’ll throw in a free 1 oz. bottle of Blossom Organics lube!

My clitoris and I are BFFs. She is good to me and I am good to her. We have had a lot of quality time over the nearly thirty years we’ve been together. Though we had a rocky patch for a while that I’d like to touch on before I get to the review itself.

Our relationship has had a few stages, but overall it can be summed up by Pre-Baby and Post-Baby. Pre-Baby my clit was so sensitive that a stiff breeze, the right pair of pants, or occasionally speed bumps could set her and I off. Not complaining, but there were some drawbacks to being that sensitive. Unexpected orgasms can cramp your style and I would often hit not-fun-anymore levels of over stimulation very quickly.

Post-Baby/Vaginal birth, things changed. No where near as sensitive, and as I would go for long periods without spending quality time with her, she would randomly go on strike. Yeah, stimulation felt awesome but she’d bow out right before orgasm.  There may have been a lot of, albeit one sided, cursing for a while. (Though let’s be honest – if anyone was going to have a clitoris capable of cussing – it would be me.)

So while we worked on getting our relationship back on track, I became an arousal gel junkie. I was already a big fan with a decent collection of different offerings, but often they were too intense or the chemicals would cause problems post use. (Itching, irritation, yeast infections..eek) So I leaped at the chance to give the Blossom Organics Arousal Gel a shot when my beloved Babeland offered it to me. Read the full post »

More Sex Can Lead to Better Health and Happiness

Where does sex rank on your daily priorities list? How about your weekly or monthly list? For many of us this may rank high but is one of those items that get easily bumped for another engagement. I know that I am guilty of this and so are many of the other moms I talk to. In a recent study published in the March issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy researchers show that a large percentage of people in long term relationships are unhappy with the frequency of sex in their lives. There is a great synopsis of the article in the NY Times. I would like to just use this article as evidence for why we need to make time for sex in relationships and understand why quality and quantity are important factors when thinking about a healthy and satisfying sex life.

“Anthony Lyons, a study co-author and research fellow at La Trobe, said the main lesson from the study is that couples need to learn how to communicate about their sexual needs or their reasons for not wanting sex.” Communication is a very important part of any relationship and I love that this study points out that communication has to include needs as well as reasons for not wanting sex. Negotiations are difficult to navigate when there is a withholding of information. It is not always easy to tell your partner why you may not be interested in sex and it is important to take the time to be honest with yourself as to why you are not interested or satisfied. Great ways to communicate with your partner include:

  • using “I feel” statements
  • avoiding the heat of the moment
  • using the sandwich technique (compliment/critique/compliment)
  • talk in environments that are non-threatening and comfortable for both parties

Read the full post »

Female Arousal Drug Gets Short Shrift on TV

Zestra, a women’s arousal cream, marketed as something akin to a “female Viagra,” is being denied advertising time. The ads, which do not mention anything more salacious than the word “sensitivity,” are considered too racy for prime time radio or TV. The only slots the Zestra makers can get are after midnight. Meanwhile most TV watchers have become so used to ads for erection enhancers that warnings of long lasting erections hardly merit a chuckle anymore.

Erections are fine to talk about any ol’ time of day or night, but female desire is strictly late night fare. How unfair!

This reminds me of the whole phenomenon in which Viagra, etc. are covered by insurance, but birth control pills are not. Something as intrinsic to women’s well being as choosing if and when to have a child gets no support, but a guy’s erection is subsidized. Read the full post »

Work Out for a Better Sex Life

Working in the store the other day, a group of moms came in with many questions. Each of them had very individual needs and they were all very eager to learn. I found that with each and every one I came back to a conversation about Kegel exercises and the importance of having a healthy and strong PC (pubococcygeous) muscle. I know that many moms have already been told about these muscles and the role they play in child birth, but there is so much more…

- Strong PC muscles can lead to stronger orgasm
- Shorter refractory period – time between ejaculations for male-bodied folks
- Fewer aches and pains in the lower back
- Less painful menstrual cramps
- Better Posture
- Exercising them keeps circulation going allowing for healthier muscles.
- General Health – 50% of gynecologist visits are for bladder and vaginal infections. Many of these could be from weak or tense PC muscles. Read the full post »

How To Get Pregnant When Your Sex Life Is Sub-Par

We’ve all heard how sex lives can suffer once you have kids.

First, because of the damage that occurs to a woman’s nether regions during childbirth. Then, because of the tenderness of a woman’s vaginal lining—in addition to hormonal fluctuations—in the months after childbirth. And then? Well, there’s the lack of time, and the exhaustion that comes from being a parent (and a spouse, and a fully functioning individual). There’s the magnification of the madonna/whore complex that can occur after you pop one out. There’s the reshuffling of your affections, and the sometimes attendant resentments that can result from this. There’s the inexorable pull of month after month of sexless nights, that can spin out into a complete loss of libido.

This doesn’t worry me. After all, our sex life already sucks.

“You know,” my husband said the other week, “in order to get pregnant, we have to have sex.”

It’s not what you think. Read the full post »

Moms Find It Hard to Talk Sex

This post was sent in by one of our readers:

For the 9 years I have been a mother, and the 9 months my daughter incubated, discussions with female friends and family have always been divided into two groups. The people you talk parenting with and then the people you talk sex with. It reminds me of when I got married 17 years ago…a virgin. I was begging for advice from my friends who were seasoned veterans, even my mother. Well, no one would really talk to me or say anything other than “Use Lube”. On my wedding night I discovered I had vaginismus, only I didn’t know what it was called until over a year later, and it took me 5 years to heal myself. Read the full post »

Older Moms, Watch Your Back

Sorry, this isn’t  a post about cougar moms. It’s about health. As an older mom (forty-seven), I couldn’t help but make the connection between two statistics released on the same day: one showing an increase in the birth rate of women over 40, and the other showing an increase in the number of older people having back surgery.

Read the full post »