Moms in Babeland

Archive for the ‘Sex and the Single Mom’ Category

Adult Sleepover Etiquette

This week my partner and I are about to take a big step. He is going to stay the night on a school night while my son is home. I know that the idea of an adult sleepover is not a big deal to my son–his dad lives with his girlfriend–but mom’s house is different. It is the house that is always structured and safe, and for the last three years has been inhabited by only my son, the dog and me.

There are so many questions about our behavior as a couple as we take this next step, “Do we still shower together or do we need to shower separately?” and “Do we have sex if we are in the mood?”.My partner is nervous that we may be giving the wrong impression about showering together, but I try very hard to not have body/nudity shame in the house and feel that showering together is not going to send mixed messages or disinformation to J (my son). Read the full post »

When The Book You Gave Someone’s Child Has Content They Might Not Approve of (aka Whoops)!

This post is about books and stories that help us to understand life, but that might not be so easy to digest. I remember falling in love with reading when I encountered my favorite author, Tom Robbins, in my teens. I wonder what my parents would have thought if they had snatched Another Roadside Attraction out of my hands as I was devouring it at age 16.

I want to share with you this lovely story, telling of fertility and the cycle of life. Connecting a trip to Babeland and (a big Dildo!) in a Sherman Alexie story. Along with some other big dildo magic.

“For those of us who were not immaculately conceived, we need sex to have babies. And we need a lot of laughter to survive pregnancy and parenting in a healthy state of mind.”

My story of stories is actually about another Sherman Alexie book: The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian. I knew of Sherman Alexie from school in Arizona, reading Reservation Blues seems almost like a lifetime ago. Read the full post »

Gotta Have It: Sex and the Single Mom

I’ve been a single mom now for ten years and I can tell you one thing: sometimes the self-love sessions just aren’t enough. You know what I’m talking about: even though the job, the kid and the house sap all my energy, there are nights when my head hits that pillow with one all-consuming thought: “I’ve got to get laid.” A warm body, a comforting touch, a rollicking round of sweaty sex—these are the things that rouse me out of my maternal slumbers and rejuvenate my body and my self-esteem.

But as any single person can tell you, wanting it and getting it are two very different things. And when you’ve got kids at home, the logistical challenges multiply. Learning how to date again, trying to meet people, and navigating issues of time and privacy are just a few of the obstacles single moms face when it comes to sex. I look forward to sharing ideas with you on this subject, not just from my own experience, but from years of talking with other single moms. Read the full post »

Postpartum Sex Workshop at Babeland Brooklyn

When we talk about what’s happening inside the bedroom at Babeland, we like to meet people where they are.  Maybe you’ve never had an orgasm and you are interested in buying a first toy, or maybe you’ve found yourself too busy picking up your kids toys to use toys of your own.   Either way, we don’t think there is a one way to approach sex, which is why we created the Sexy Moms Series.

Every month  we host eye-opening events for new parents that creates a space for moms and dads to talk about the immense changes that are happening to their bodies, lives and relationships.   Our most popular class is “Sex During and After Pregnancy” where we chat with a diverse group filled with preggies and new parents.

This week we are excited to offer a new class, “Postpartum Sex”, that will focus on the experience of being postpartum and trying to reconnect with your sexy self.   This free class will be led by childbirth and sexuality expert, Vanessa Anton and is open to singles, couples, friends and babies!  Here are the details:

Postpartum Sex
Tuesday, June 21, 07:00PM, Free
Babeland Brooklyn, 462 Bergen Street
You just had a baby… now what? Your sexuality is far from off-limits. Join childbirth and sexuality expert, Vanessa Anton, as she explains the changes happening to your body, your sex drive, and how to come back to your sexy self while caring for a newborn.
See you there!







Knock Before Entering: Mom’s Quest for Privacy

I have an acute sense of privacy which I am now struggling to pass on to my 9-year-old son, who doesn’t think twice about entering unannounced into my room or bathroom. I am trying to teach him that everyone needs that space where they can go and be left alone when they need to be.

I have recently laid down a rule that we have to respect each others rooms and space. I will not go in his room except to feed the fish or put away laundry without his permission and he will not treat my room as his. Often times he will read his book in my room while I make dinner because the rooms connect. This has led him to regard this room as another shared space of the house and one where he can enter or be at anytime he sees fit. I hope to implant respect for each others’ personal space into both of us as we progress over the next few months.

J’s need for personal space and the ability to go and be left alone for a little while is growing now that puberty is upon him, but just as he knows when he wants to be alone, he also knows when he wants to be with someone else. So, he may come out from brooding in his room and want to snuggle with me while I am decompressing from the latest hormone surge we just went through. I am never one to turn down snuggles but I need time to breath and let go of the latest argument as well. I have worked with this by just explaining that, “I need a few more minutes of alone time. Then we can meet up in the living room to snuggle and be together.”

I don’t feel that we need to completely swing the pendulum of privacy. I just feel like we need to get a little more balanced and I want to allow him to have space as I know I need it as well. Check out these other great privacy tips for parents from the book  Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids.

Privacy Tips
• Put a lock on the bedroom door
• Reconsider “family bed”
• Enforce bed time
• Keep a guest room stocked with lube and sex toys
• Try quickies in the shower
• Try sex in the closet, the car, or in the backyard
• Have a tryst while the kids are watching cartoons

Dating Logistics for the Single Parent

I have been a single parent for many years, and as any single parent will tell you, my dating life changed radically post-kids. Pre-kids, dating could be a simple as flirting at the coffee shop, or as intentional as one night stand. Post-kids, the effort it takes to date is “ginormous”, as kids like to say. Imagine the Grand Canyon—I’m on one side, and a potential partner is on the other. That’s how challenging it can feel to date.

What’s the big difference? You guessed it—everyone you meet, and every potential encounter you have gets held up against the big barometer of THE KIDS. In the old days, you might take a chance on someone who didn’t wow you and consider going on a second or third date. Now you don’t waste your time, because a) you don’t have it to waste and b) if you’re lukewarm about the date, your kids will most certainly hate him. In the old days, you might invite someone home for a quick-but-satisfying roll in the hay, now you’d never put your kids—or yourself—in the path of unpredictability. Read the full post »

Sexy, Sex Positive…Mom

Yes, I’m a MILF, yes, yes it’s true. I am sexy and sexually confident and open to talking about many and most things sexual and I am also a mom. The question on everyone’s mind is: How does that work, What does your daughter (we’ll call her ‘Bean’) know about what you do and where you work?

Up until recently, when I became the “Affiliates and Online Communities Producer” here at, she knew that mommy did “Customer Service” as a “Sex Educator”. I think adults with our filthy minds are the ones that make that sound a little more hands on than it actually is. Bean has been to Babeland. She has sat at the table in our office and she has worked on projects with my coworker’s daughter, while we were there doing our jobs, answering emails, and answering the phones. Read the full post »

Libido and the Single Mom

As a single mom, I try to stay in touch with my libido by masturbating, but sometimes it’s hard to do this after spending the entire evening arguing with my child over math homework. One of the many perks of my job is free sex toys. This week I was asked to review a new vibrator, but by the time the kid was in bed I looked over at it and decided I would rather watch an episode of Mad Men.

After three days of procrastinating that vibrator review, I left work and decided I needed a little mom time. J was at his dad’s for the night, so, I went for a run to try and clear my head, then lingered in a hot shower, and then finally took the Form 2 out of its box. Read the full post »