Moms in Babeland

Archive for the ‘Self-Image’ Category

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And a Word About That Guilt, Moms

For some reason, mothering and guilt seem to go hand in hand. While guilt is helpful sometimes to let us know when things in our life are out of whack, women, particularly mothers, often take it too far. Thanks in large part to unrealistic societal expectations, these days mothers have guilt about so much. About working…or not working. For taking time for yourselves,…or not taking enough time for yourselves. For not wanting sex…or wanting it too much. Shoot, some mothers feel guilty about feeling guilty! The problem is that guilt and sexy feelings just don’t mix. So whether you’re feeling guilty because you want to do something really FREAKY in the sack, or because you’d rather sack out, it’s time to take a breath and LET IT GO… guilt free. Here’s a word we want you to use at least once a day: “No.” As in, “No, I can’t do that favor for you,” or “No, that won’t work” or even, “No, I don’t want to make love tonight.” It’s okay, it won’t kill anyone. But learning to say no just might help you to say yes to other good stuff in life. Including more sex.


Excerpted From Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting it on Again (Collins, 2009) By Ian Kerner, Ph.D, author of She Comes First and Passionista, and Heidi Raykeil, author of Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido

Do We Need to Protect Our Kids from Seeing Vibrators at the Drugstore?

If your activist side needs a  break from the Occupy Wall Street protests, you might want to wander over to a site called One Million Moms where someone is trying to start a write-in campaign to have vibrators removed from drugstore websites because kids might stumble upon them.

I’m not encouraging you to join, I’m asking you to counter-protest this silly notion. First of all, drugstores have been selling vibrators for decades, as I know first hand because I bought one in 1978 at the age of 17 in a drugstore (it looked like this), so the idea that the mainstream stores are getting more X-rated is bunk. Secondly, what the heck are we afraid of if a kid stumbles upon a vibrator on a website? That it will lead to some expected curiosity (“mom, what’s that?”) and we might actually have to explain a little sexual anatomy to them? That sounds like a good thing to me.  I ran across a survey recently that revealed that women who masturbate have higher self-esteem than those who don’t. So the worst thing that  might happen if little Susie sees a Trojan Triphoria on Duane Reade is that she’ll a) want to learn about her body b) will want one and find a way to get one and c) will discover the joys of masturbation and ultimately end up with good self-esteem. Oprah had a respected psychologist on her show a year or so ago who courageously suggested that parents get their daughters vibrators so that they could learn about their bodies and feel more empowered to make good choices when it comes to partner sex. Read the full post »

Love Your Sexy, Pregnant Self

I’ve been somewhat overwhelmed by the number of articles that I have found online about pregnancy and  body image.  I find myself turned off to these articles when I see them because most of them have messaging like, “don’t worry your body will return to normal” or “it’s okay to eat more now that you are pregnant”.  I get it, there is a lot of pressure out there for women to stay skinny and the pregnant body is far from that.  But this kind of messaging creates the image that a pregnant body is not a sexy body.  I must beg to differ.

I have never felt sexier than I do not that I’m pregnant.  From watching my belly grow bigger and bigger to the cleavage that I never thought possible.  Here is my list of the top 10 ways that I’ve enjoyed my sexy body during pregnancy:

1. Maximize the cleavage.  I’ve never had huge boobs and now that I have them I totally want to flaunt them.  It’s probably because they are only temporary so I feel the need to enjoy them while they last.  But whatever the reason, it certainly makes me feel sexy to push up the boobage a little bit to get the most out of what I’ve got. Read the full post »

Art, Sex and Motherhood

Thanks baby, for making me a MILF!

At its core, Becoming MILF is an art exhibit about identity that navigates issues of motherhood and sex in an attempt to reclaim the word MILF to encompass a woman’s transformation into their post-partum sexual identity. It is a snap shot of the visual and sculptural manifestation of the first several weeks of motherhood.

Artist Statement – Madison Young Becoming MILF

Speaking of being or becoming a MILF, no one said it was easy. As many of you may know, and I know because I saw this bomb explode on twitter one afternoon last week, this happened (@Furrygirl, sex worker and sex worker’s rights champion, talked some pretty disparaging shit about @madisonyoung, sex worker and mother, and SF feminists/sex-workers/mothers/queers in general.) Online media took notice. Read the full post »

Supportive Mom Plus Internet Equals Good First Time

In order to illustrate the importance of sex education (and on behalf of SIECUS our fundraising recipient this month), we asked our staff to contribute stories or anecdotes about their own sexual awakening or what kind of sex education they received.

As a teen I was in a monogamous long term relationship with a partner who was wonderfully informed and open about sex.  I thought myself responsible and informed as well and when, a year and a half into our relationship, we decided to start having sex, I went about arranging all the necessary precautions.

I set up an appointment with an ob-gyn with the help of my mom, went on hormonal birth control, bought ultra-lubed condoms and extra lube.  We were extra cautious and careful thanks to my supportive mom and a wealth of careful internet research (and no thanks to our abstinence-focused school sex-ed program).  In retrospect, I’m incredibly pleased and impressed with my young self and my ex-boyfriend.  However I would like to reach back in time and redefine my definition of sex.  At the time I thought the only sex needing contraception and protection was penis-in-vagina.  It turns out that as I define sex now, I had been sexually active for quite some time before I took all those necessary precautions.

The Importance of Teaching Sexual Consent to Teens

From L: I work with middle school students teaching sex education. I’ve also had some experiences I would have been better prepared to handle if I’d received more comprehensive sex ed. It’s not that I thought you couldn’t get pregnant if you had sex standing up, or other stuff that some kids actually believe. I needed an understanding of consent and communication skills, as well some basic STI info. (Note: my response talks about sexual nonconsent, so this is a trigger warning for the reader.)

When I was 18 I started having sex with a 25-year-old guy I’d met in the city. Well, I should say, he started having sex with me. I was extremely drunk after our first date and my memory/awareness snapped back into action with him on top of me, having P-V sex, sans condom. After, I asked him to use a condom for next time and he was totally dismissive, giving what my sex ed class should have taught me are classic lame excuses: saying he wasn’t dirty, I didn’t need to worry, we’d already done it anyway, he knew he didn’t have anything and besides, I was on birth control. Read the full post »

Gender Diversity Education, Yes Please!

A recent news article hits close to home: children at Redwood Heights Elementary School in Oakland, Calif are learning about gender diversity through a program that looks at animals and talks about the concept of gender as being fluid.Be an Ally

Why is this close to home for me? I live in Oakland and my daughter attends an Oakland charter school within a few miles of Redwood Heights. I also work at Babeland where we are excited and proud to present a Gender Expression Category on our website. We also work within our communities to bring understanding and acceptance of all people.

Here’s a description of the way the subject is taught in school:

Joel Baum, director of education and training for Gender Spectrum, taught the classes. In the kindergarten class he asked the 5- and 6-year-olds to identify if a toy was a “girl toy” or a “boy toy” or both. Read the full post »

Sex With My Husband: Still High On My To-Do List

My friend—who is only two years older than I, and just past menopause—told me recently that the sick irony of finally being able to have unprotected sex, and on any day of the month, is that you’re no longer all that interested in sex.

Speak for yourselves, I told her.

I’m not past menopause, but after 23 years of marriage, my husband and I are no less interested in having frequent sex than we were (ahem) 25 years ago. Read the full post »

Sex After Baby. The Anal Beads Will Have To Wait

Great re-post from writer “mommy wants vodka”, who writes for one of our fave blogs, Toy With Me:

After my son was born, my doctor was busily discharging me from the hospital and in the middle of her discharge instructions, she looked at me conspiratorially and said, “Now, NO sex until after your six week appointment.” I’d swear that she winked at me then, but maybe she had something in her eye, because I don’t know if it was my bleary, tear-streaked face, or blood-shot eyes that gave me away, or perhaps it was the three days worth of beard growth on my husband’s face, but the last thing on my mind (even BEYOND, hey, I wonder what would happen if I ate the DO NOT EAT packets in the medicine bottles?) was getting busy again.

I’d just pushed 8 pounds of baby out of my cootch; 8 pounds of baby that was now attached to my now-pancake-sized nipple, and I could barely waddle to the bathroom without weeping in pain, so, trust me, Good Doctor, the last thing I want to do is stick something up a hole that has now been stretched out, once again. My husband, The Daver, wasn’t in any better shape, as he’d suffered through the male version of pregnancy alongside me, although his penis had escaped the ordeal unscathed. Read the full post »

Are Kids Waiting Longer to Have Sex?

Recently I was at a community college in the Seattle area tabling as a Babeland Sexpert and was surprised by the large number of students who were admittedly virgins. I spoke with a few other coworkers who recently represented Babeland on college campuses and they also had a really large number of students asking questions about losing their virginity. This is a newer trend that we are seeing as we are doing the college circuit and it has sparked a lot of discussion around the store:

  • Is it because of abstinence only education? Is it working or is it creating fear in the students which in turn is keeping them abstinent?
  • Is it regional? Is this just a trend in Washington state or are other states seeing this? Read the full post »