Moms in Babeland

Archive for the ‘Desire’ Category

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Arousal Gel Helps Post-Baby Sensitivity

Moms: when you buy the Blossom Organics Arousal Gel and Lube at Babeland during April, 10% of the sale goes to our eco-fundraising partner, Grist. Plus, we’ll throw in a free 1 oz. bottle of Blossom Organics lube!

My clitoris and I are BFFs. She is good to me and I am good to her. We have had a lot of quality time over the nearly thirty years we’ve been together. Though we had a rocky patch for a while that I’d like to touch on before I get to the review itself.

Our relationship has had a few stages, but overall it can be summed up by Pre-Baby and Post-Baby. Pre-Baby my clit was so sensitive that a stiff breeze, the right pair of pants, or occasionally speed bumps could set her and I off. Not complaining, but there were some drawbacks to being that sensitive. Unexpected orgasms can cramp your style and I would often hit not-fun-anymore levels of over stimulation very quickly.

Post-Baby/Vaginal birth, things changed. No where near as sensitive, and as I would go for long periods without spending quality time with her, she would randomly go on strike. Yeah, stimulation felt awesome but she’d bow out right before orgasm.  There may have been a lot of, albeit one sided, cursing for a while. (Though let’s be honest – if anyone was going to have a clitoris capable of cussing – it would be me.)

So while we worked on getting our relationship back on track, I became an arousal gel junkie. I was already a big fan with a decent collection of different offerings, but often they were too intense or the chemicals would cause problems post use. (Itching, irritation, yeast infections..eek) So I leaped at the chance to give the Blossom Organics Arousal Gel a shot when my beloved Babeland offered it to me. Read the full post »

Sex RX for the Ladies: Get Yourself A Piece of Mind(fulness)

If the key to getting and staying turned on is peace of mind, the practice of Mindfulness might be just the hobby to help us start feeling like getting more of a piece of…ass. What is mindfulness? It just means paying attention to what’s going on right now; being aware of the present moment. In life, and particularly in parenting, it’s so easy to get caught up in the future (ie: worrying or planning) or caught in the past (ie: wishful regrets or blaming) that we’re not really here 100 percent. Read the full post »

What Moms Want Their Partners to Know: There Really Is a Connection Between Getting the Kitchen Clean and Getting Nookie

Allow me to wax scientifically for a moment: Researchers in the Netherlands found that “the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety.”

In a study in which the brains of men and women were scanned during the process of sexual response using a technique called positron emission tomography (PET), the results showed that the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion reduce during sexual activity. Men showed far less change in these areas of the brain. Says Dr. Gert Holstege  “What this means is that deactivation, letting go of all fear and anxiety, might be the most important thing, even necessary, to have an orgasm.” So if you’re a woman, getting turned on also means, ironically, letting yourself get turned off. And this means that literally, scientifically, walking past a stack of dirty dishes, or looking at an overwhelming to-do list really does turn a woman off.

Read the full post »

Make Valentine’s Last Longer Than a Day

The chocolates are gone, the flowers are starting to wilt, and the lingerie is now at the bottom of the laundry heap. But before the memory of your hot Valentine’s night fades, think about what you can do to make it possible again. My best advice to moms: seize the moment! Your partner is fresh from the headiness of a satisfying sexcapade, so he’s motivated to make it happen again, he just needs to realize what it entails. So print this out and clip it to his wallet, his favorite beer mug, or his razor. You can print these out and check off the ones that work for you, or just suggest them all!

To My Beloved–Let’s Make Valentine’s Last Longer than a Day! I’m game if you are, but here’s what you can do to make it happen:

  • Hire a babysitter, take the day off work, then take me on a private picnic, check us into a spa, or book us a pay-by-the-hour hotel.
  • Help me unwind! Put the kids to bed early, draw a warm bath, add my favorite bubble bath and rubber duckie, then join me.
  • Seduce all my senses: play my favorite sexy music, serve me a selection of aphrodisiacs, and give me a massage using my favorite scented lotion!
  • Write me a sexy letter describing in detail one of our most erotic moments together. Make sure to tell me what was going on in your mind as well as your body! Read the full post »

Ten Ways to Keep Things Hot at Home

As a mom and a sex educator, I get asked a lot of sex questions my friends wouldn’t dare ask their own moms. Here are my 10 tips for keeping things hot and spicy even when life may be dishing out cold and bland.

1. Express Yourself:
Talk and learn about what you like. Don’t expect to get it right away, but be patient. Ask what your partner enjoys. If you are not together, send little love notes or questions via email or text that he can read on breaks. If he tells you that you text too much (whoops!), give him a call and leave a sexy message. If you don’t want to talk about your fantasies yet, write them down for yourself.  Words are incredibly sexy, you may find ways to use them like this mom did!

2. Listen:
When your lover talks about what he enjoys, or what he did today, or what he is passionate about, pay attention. Put down your smart phone, stop multitasking, and stop going over your mental to do list. I’ve noticed that my lover pays excellent attention when I tell him about my wants and needs. It feels so good to have someone care enough to listen and hear your thoughts and desires.

3. Be Present:
When you are together stay in the moment–don’t let your mind wander too far from what is important and where you are. When your mind is wandering it seems like you are not paying attention or interested in your partner. If you are distracted, let him know so he will not take your inattention personally. Read the full post »

Put a Ring on…Him

Beyonce was onto something with her hit song “Put a Ring on It”, but it wasn’t until Justin Timberlake’s SNL parody (see below) that we saw the true secret of the song revealed: marital bliss can be yours if you just put a vibrating cock ring on him.

Adding a toy is a simple way to shake things up. Will we both like it? What will it add? As Babeland’s founder, I have recommended a vibrating cock ring for years because they are so versatile and have something for both partners.

  • It can be worn as intended around the base of the penis to create a stronger erection, and the vibrator will (hopefully!) feel good to both parties.
  • Rotate the vibe side up for clitoral action and down for prostate fun.
  • Insert fingers through the ring and use it to augment a hand job.
  • Or just hold it against her clit and use it as a plain old vibe. Read the full post »

Sex With My Husband: Still High On My To-Do List

My friend—who is only two years older than I, and just past menopause—told me recently that the sick irony of finally being able to have unprotected sex, and on any day of the month, is that you’re no longer all that interested in sex.

Speak for yourselves, I told her.

I’m not past menopause, but after 23 years of marriage, my husband and I are no less interested in having frequent sex than we were (ahem) 25 years ago. Read the full post »

Glory Days: Using Nostalgia to Prime the Pump

Remember when Bruce Springsteen’s song “Glory Days” came out in 1984? It was classic Bruce rock (see the lyrics below), with a message that can be best summed up as a lament over lost youth. I was fresh out of college and thought the people in the song were somewhat pitiable; I vowed never to waste my time romanticizing my past.

Fast forward ten years to my mid-thirties, when I discovered how powerful nostalgia can be to one’s libido, especially when employed with a little creativity! My first child was still tiny, I was nursing, feeling house-bound, and always a little on edge with her dad. Read the full post »

Feeling a Little Buzzed!

You know that unbelievable feeling you get when you’ve realized that yes, you really are going to do it? As a parent, for me it takes all day planning to happen. Starting in the morning, I get my daughter dressed, schedule out activities that will not only be fun but will wear her out so she will sleep (fingers crossed), and then start breakfast. Throughout my busy day I remind myself what I’m looking forward to, and that no matter how much snot, jelly, tears or weird green substance (of unknown origin) get smeared all over me, tonight I will in fact feel sexy, be admired and get some uninterrupted “adult time”.

As all parents know, nothing goes as planned. This particular day, everything was actually on track for my night of knee-knocking bliss. Honest! We got up, breakfast cereal was eaten at the table and stayed in the bowl, teeth-brushed, then energy burned off with rock climbing. The day rolled by pretty fast, one activity to the next, with the scheduled 4pm three-year old mini meltdown, until finally, dinner time and a little Dora time in PJs.

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Fantasy Transforms Everyday Encounters

If my partner and I are spending a day running errands and hanging out, then the mood often strikes while we are out and about and we will have a midday tryst. One of my favorite ways to get us both in the mood is to talk about how hot it would be to have sex is the stacks of the bookstore or on that couch in the antique store or how that chocolate sauce in the grocery store would taste better on a body than ice cream. Just making small easy comments into each others ears and letting hands linger on bodies in otherwise innocent/sexless spaces can be a huge turn on. (Heck…my motor is running just writing this.) Read the full post »