Written by Shannon on 5.23.2012 | 6 Comments
This week my partner and I are about to take a big step. He is going to stay the night on a school night while my son is home. I know that the idea of an adult sleepover is not a big deal to my son–his dad lives with his girlfriend–but mom’s house is different. It is the house that is always structured and safe, and for the last three years has been inhabited by only my son, the dog and me.
There are so many questions about our behavior as a couple as we take this next step, “Do we still shower together or do we need to shower separately?” and “Do we have sex if we are in the mood?”.My partner is nervous that we may be giving the wrong impression about showering together, but I try very hard to not have body/nudity shame in the house and feel that showering together is not going to send mixed messages or disinformation to J (my son). Read the full post »
Written by Shannon on 7.9.2011 | No Comments
Sex is becoming a more and more talked about subject in our household and J is starting to ask questions and confide in me more and more. His questions are thoughtful and make me realize that no matter how sex positive I think I am, it is hard to watch this little kid blossom into a young adult and want to take on more adult situations. He is turning 9 this week and he sat me down for a talk the other night. This is the abridged version of our that talk.
- J: Is it ok for me to love anyone I want…even if they aren’t cute?
- Me: Kiddo, as far as I am concerned you can love whoever you want so long as they love you back and treat you well. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and others’ opinions are not what you should base your feelings upon.
- J: nods silently and then goes on to ask… When can I start having sex? Read the full post »
Written by Shannon on 6.27.2011 | No Comments
After reading reviews of Bristol Palin’s memoir which just hit shelves I was reminded of my own first time. It was, unfortunately, not too far off from Bristol’s. This made me think about what I want for my own child’s first time and what I would like to see in his memoir.
I hope that he knows that he doesn’t need to lie to me. If there is someone that he is genuinely interested in pursuing then I want to support him. I know that he will not always choose to surround himself with people or situations I wholeheartedly approve of, but I will support his decisions as long as those people are respectful to him and that he remains respectful to himself. I would rather him know that he could call me and get out of a situation than feel really trapped or alone if a situation gets bad. Read the full post »
Written by Shannon on 6.16.2011 | No Comments
Nuts and Bolts Kit
Sunday is Father’s Day and what better way to let the father of your children know that you love and respect him than with sex toys? Here are a few of my top picks for him this year:
The Nuts and Bolts kit- This kit has everything he needs to get off. With all the different combinations of how these toys can be used this is a gift that will give all year long. $68
Double Decker Cockring- The 2 bullets have 3 speeds each for each partner to have vibration at the level they like and the stretchy silicone ring is comfy for quickies or marathon sex sessions. $24
Lost and Found DVD- This sex filled romantic comedy is great for the couple that wants to curl up and watch a movie and also wants some hot, realistic sex scenes. There is full penetration, real orgasms and a super cute Boston Terrier…what’s not to love? $34 Read the full post »
Written by Shannon on 6.6.2011 | No Comments
I have an acute sense of privacy which I am now struggling to pass on to my 9-year-old son, who doesn’t think twice about entering unannounced into my room or bathroom. I am trying to teach him that everyone needs that space where they can go and be left alone when they need to be.
I have recently laid down a rule that we have to respect each others rooms and space. I will not go in his room except to feed the fish or put away laundry without his permission and he will not treat my room as his. Often times he will read his book in my room while I make dinner because the rooms connect. This has led him to regard this room as another shared space of the house and one where he can enter or be at anytime he sees fit. I hope to implant respect for each others’ personal space into both of us as we progress over the next few months.
J’s need for personal space and the ability to go and be left alone for a little while is growing now that puberty is upon him, but just as he knows when he wants to be alone, he also knows when he wants to be with someone else. So, he may come out from brooding in his room and want to snuggle with me while I am decompressing from the latest hormone surge we just went through. I am never one to turn down snuggles but I need time to breath and let go of the latest argument as well. I have worked with this by just explaining that, “I need a few more minutes of alone time. Then we can meet up in the living room to snuggle and be together.”
I don’t feel that we need to completely swing the pendulum of privacy. I just feel like we need to get a little more balanced and I want to allow him to have space as I know I need it as well. Check out these other great privacy tips for parents from the book Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids.
Privacy Tips
• Put a lock on the bedroom door
• Reconsider “family bed”
• Enforce bed time
• Keep a guest room stocked with lube and sex toys
• Try quickies in the shower
• Try sex in the closet, the car, or in the backyard
• Have a tryst while the kids are watching cartoons
Written by Shannon on 4.25.2011 | No Comments
This past month I had the pleasure of starting the sex talk with my 8 ¾- (don’t I forget it) year-old son. The conversation has been lengthy and has had many components so I will be writing this in installments. I want to start off by saying how terrifying this experience can be as comedienne Julia Sweeney discusses here.
I talk about sex all day long in a shame free environment and suddenly I am stricken with fear that I may leave some stigma on this young boy’s mind. I am lucky enough to have a brilliant young man that knows his mom over-talks and over-analyzes everything and knows how to tell me (politely) when he has learned all he wants to know. There are some amazing sound bites from our conversation that I will throw in but mostly I will break it down into a Q&A discussion for your reading pleasure.
The conversation started one day as he was doing his nightly reading homework and chose an anatomy book as the material of the night. He came up to me and told me that the reproductive organs section was his favorite part but it did not explain everything he wanted to know. At this point I took the book, What’s Going on Down There by Karen Gravelle off of the shelf and told him that this may answer more of his questions and also that I am happy to be a resource as well. He began reading the book and here is what happened next. Read the full post »
Written by Shannon on 3.28.2011 | No Comments
Where does sex rank on your daily priorities list? How about your weekly or monthly list? For many of us this may rank high but is one of those items that get easily bumped for another engagement. I know that I am guilty of this and so are many of the other moms I talk to. In a recent study published in the March issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy researchers show that a large percentage of people in long term relationships are unhappy with the frequency of sex in their lives. There is a great synopsis of the article in the NY Times. I would like to just use this article as evidence for why we need to make time for sex in relationships and understand why quality and quantity are important factors when thinking about a healthy and satisfying sex life.
“Anthony Lyons, a study co-author and research fellow at La Trobe, said the main lesson from the study is that couples need to learn how to communicate about their sexual needs or their reasons for not wanting sex.” Communication is a very important part of any relationship and I love that this study points out that communication has to include needs as well as reasons for not wanting sex. Negotiations are difficult to navigate when there is a withholding of information. It is not always easy to tell your partner why you may not be interested in sex and it is important to take the time to be honest with yourself as to why you are not interested or satisfied. Great ways to communicate with your partner include:
- using “I feel” statements
- avoiding the heat of the moment
- using the sandwich technique (compliment/critique/compliment)
- talk in environments that are non-threatening and comfortable for both parties
Read the full post »
Written by Shannon on 3.1.2011 | No Comments
There has been an email thread going around between a bunch of parents about gender, bullying and toys. I know this is not a new subject for parents to discuss, but it has been interesting to see how many parents have all responded to this one specific issue. J goes to an after school activity called Lego Engineering where kids build different cars, cities, bridges, etc. out of Lego products. There is only one girl in the class and she came home upset about being picked on because she was the only girl and felt that this wasn’t the class for her. Responses have been pouring in commenting on how to handle this situation. Read the full post »
Written by Shannon on 2.21.2011 | 1 Comment
Sex and parenting takes work. I am in a relationship with someone I only see a few times a week and we really have to work to keep our sex life robust. Many weeks we plan ahead and look at our schedules to see what time we have for sex. We make a date and a plan to turn off all other devices and just be together for a while that night. No matter what, we have made a pact that we will have sex at least once a week and that we will work to keep intimacy the other six.
Intimacy for us means:
- long, lingering kisses when we first see each other
- Calling or texting each other once a day to just say, “I love you” and check on how the day has gone.
- Sleeping with skin on skin contact when we sleep together
- Enjoying small rituals together, such as showering, watching a favorite show, seeing a band we both love, etc.
These small steps ensure that we are happy and satisfied sexually and emotionally. More often then not these weekly sex sessions are hot and steamy. We make them last for a couple of hours and linger on each others bodies because we can. We set aside this time and we have done the work all week so that we could spend this time, guilt free with each other.
Written by Shannon on 2.2.2011 | 1 Comment
Since most of you reading this are moms, I figured I’d help you be a little pro-active in getting an especially good treat for Valentine’s Day. There have been so many exciting sex toys of late; here are a few must-haves for your mom toy box–just leave your computer open to this post so your honey finds it when he/she sits down!
For the mom who deserves it all, and likes her toy dressed up in a pretty package
Mimi: this little powerhouse of a vibe does the job of my Hitachi but is rechargeable and waterproof. The shape and size fits perfectly into the palm of my (or my partner’s) hand leaving the fingers free to hook in and stimulate my G-spot. Read the full post »
