Written by Guest on 11.2.2011 | No Comments
For some reason, mothering and guilt seem to go hand in hand. While guilt is helpful sometimes to let us know when things in our life are out of whack, women, particularly mothers, often take it too far. Thanks in large part to unrealistic societal expectations, these days mothers have guilt about so much. About working…or not working. For taking time for yourselves,…or not taking enough time for yourselves. For not wanting sex…or wanting it too much. Shoot, some mothers feel guilty about feeling guilty! The problem is that guilt and sexy feelings just don’t mix. So whether you’re feeling guilty because you want to do something really FREAKY in the sack, or because you’d rather sack out, it’s time to take a breath and LET IT GO… guilt free. Here’s a word we want you to use at least once a day: “No.” As in, “No, I can’t do that favor for you,” or “No, that won’t work” or even, “No, I don’t want to make love tonight.” It’s okay, it won’t kill anyone. But learning to say no just might help you to say yes to other good stuff in life. Including more sex.
Excerpted From Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting it on Again (Collins, 2009) By Ian Kerner, Ph.D, author of She Comes First and Passionista, and Heidi Raykeil, author of Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido
Written by Guest on 10.30.2011 | No Comments
It’s easy to think that your child is too young for a discussion about sexuality. But the continuous flow of information through the media makes it likely that your children are regularly exposed to messages about sexuality, even if they don’t exactly understand what they’re seeing and hearing. By using language they understand you can begin to explain sexuality in ways that are appropriate for their age.
This may seem like an advanced topic to discuss with babies and toddlers, but as their main teachers it’s important for parents and caregivers to help them develop a healthy attitude toward sexuality. For children up to age two you can begin by naming all the parts of their bodies, teaching them that their entire body is natural and healthy. (“This is your arm.This is your elbow.This is your vulva/penis.This is your knee.”) By reacting calmly when they touch their genitals, you are teaching them that sexual feelings are normal and healthy. By holding them, hugging them, talking with them, and responding to their needs, you are laying the groundwork for trust and open discussions as they grow up. Read the full post »
Written by Guest on 10.10.2011 | 2 Comments
As a sex educator at one of Babeland’s NYC stores, I’ve been fortunate enough to get to learn about so many aspects of sexuality, from sexual health to pleasure and everything in between. I’ve definitely learned a lot more from my experience here than anything I was ever taught about sex in school. The topics we at Babeland share with customers on the sales floor and in our workshops, like anatomy, communication skills and personal confidence, are essential to a healthy sexual life.
Yet sex education in schools is still whack! It remains poor to nonexistent. Abstinence lessons are the equivalent of letting kids “learn it on the street”—being in denial about young peoples’ sexuality can encourage misinformation, poor choices and, well, bad sex lives as adults. I desperately want to help bring better sex ed to confused and horny teenagers. If I could teach sex ed in schools, this would be my lesson plan:
- Your body is yours, and your body is meant to be good to you. Get to know it. (Pass around hand mirrors and speculums for at-home exploration). Read the full post »
Written by Guest on 8.12.2011 | 1 Comment
I woke up at five in the morning to my three-year-old daughter’s foot in my scapula. She found the exact spot where I am in the most pain. Tension. The awareness of morning crept in. My low back was aching. It felt like three in the morning, but with all the wiggling, I cannot sleep, and, finally, I am just awake. Gosh, she wiggles. My lower back, particularly on the left side, has been gnawing in dull throbs of pain. My neck is tight to the point of cutting off circulation to my left hand, and my entire body is twisted into some weird contortion. I wonder why I ever insisted on attachment parenting. I could never put any one of my three children to bed in another room, or allow them to (horror!) “cry it out”. Read the full post »
Written by Guest on 8.8.2011 | No Comments
In order to illustrate the importance of sex education (and on behalf of SIECUS our fundraising recipient this month), we asked our staff to contribute stories or anecdotes about their own sexual awakening or what kind of sex education they received.
B writes:
I remember getting my first condom demonstration in school. I was 17 and I had Mr. Brown as my health teacher. He was my high school’s baseball coach and a gym teacher. We actually had a demonstration from a Planned Parenthood representative. We were taught about all types of birth control from abstinence to Implanon. Even though we had condoms to pass around they still weren’t allowed to show us how to put an actual condom on. Mr. Brown rolled up a sock in a very condom-like maker and put it over his fist. He even made sure to show us to pinch the tip.
Written by Guest on 8.4.2011 | No Comments
In order to illustrate the importance of sex education (and on behalf of SIECUS our fundraising recipient this month), we asked our staff to contribute stories or anecdotes about their own sexual awakening or what kind of sex education they received.
S:
As a teen I was in a monogamous long term relationship with a partner who was wonderfully informed and open about sex. I thought myself responsible and informed as well and when, a year and a half into our relationship, we decided to start having sex, I went about arranging all the necessary precautions.
I set up an appointment with an ob-gyn with the help of my mom, went on hormonal birth control, bought ultra-lubed condoms and extra lube. We were extra cautious and careful thanks to my supportive mom and a wealth of careful internet research (and no thanks to our abstinence-focused school sex-ed program). In retrospect, I’m incredibly pleased and impressed with my young self and my ex-boyfriend. However I would like to reach back in time and redefine my definition of sex. At the time I thought the only sex needing contraception and protection was penis-in-vagina. It turns out that as I define sex now, I had been sexually active for quite some time before I took all those necessary precautions.
Written by Guest on 8.2.2011 | No Comments
In order to illustrate the importance of sex education (and on behalf of SIECUS our fundraising recipient this month), we asked our staff to contribute stories or anecdotes about their own sexual awakening or what kind of sex education they received.
A:
I can recall the first time and as hard as I try to remember I don’t think we actually got it right. My second time was probably my real first intercourse. I was 16-years-old, and we did not use protection. I wish I had known what to say or really what to ask my first partner. I didn’t know who to talk to so I didn’t. I didn’t ask him to wear a condom, I didn’t ask him if he was fluid bonded with other people, and I didn’t ask about his medical history.
Now that I look back I am very thankful that nothing horrible came out of that situation. I didn’t know where to get protection but I did know I couldn’t ask my guardian for one, and back then the message was more like “don’t do it” or “just say no” remember that thinking? All anyone ever really said back then was “you’ll get pregnant, you better not mess with boys.” Read the full post »
Written by Guest on 7.28.2011 | 1 Comment
In order to illustrate the importance of sex education (and on behalf of SIECUS our fundraising recipient this month), we asked our staff to contribute stories or anecdotes about their own sexual awakening or what kind of sex education they received. Feel free to share your comments on the Moms in Babeland blog and you could win a toy!
L:
My mother is a nurse and my father is an atheist, so when it came to topics of sex, they gave me the cold, hard facts. There weren’t shaming and they didn’t bring ethics into the conversation. For some reason or another, they completely forgot to mention that sex is pleasurable and that sometimes people have orgasms when it happens. So, you can imagine my sheer terror when I experienced my first orgasm. I’m pretty sure I thought I was dying. It felt like a streak of lighting was splitting up my insides.
I wish someone told me what an orgasm was, how amazing they are that they are normal and really fun. It would have made a lot more sense to me why people put sex on such a pedestal. If it feels really good, you don’t want it to end in a way you don’t feel comfortable with, like pregnancy, or sexually transmitted diseases, or just not feeling great about yourself.
I hope that when I am a parent I am able to explain sex to my kids without confusing or terrifying them.
Written by Guest on 7.25.2011 | No Comments
From L: I work with middle school students teaching sex education. I’ve also had some experiences I would have been better prepared to handle if I’d received more comprehensive sex ed. It’s not that I thought you couldn’t get pregnant if you had sex standing up, or other stuff that some kids actually believe. I needed an understanding of consent and communication skills, as well some basic STI info. (Note: my response talks about sexual nonconsent, so this is a trigger warning for the reader.)
When I was 18 I started having sex with a 25-year-old guy I’d met in the city. Well, I should say, he started having sex with me. I was extremely drunk after our first date and my memory/awareness snapped back into action with him on top of me, having P-V sex, sans condom. After, I asked him to use a condom for next time and he was totally dismissive, giving what my sex ed class should have taught me are classic lame excuses: saying he wasn’t dirty, I didn’t need to worry, we’d already done it anyway, he knew he didn’t have anything and besides, I was on birth control. Read the full post »
Written by Guest on 7.21.2011 | No Comments
From S:
I became pregnant 3 weeks after my 19th birthday. I was so afraid that I had let down my family. My mom was incredibly supportive and when I called to tell her, she just said, “Why are you crying? This is a happy thing. It’s going to be ok.” Some of my friends really stood by me and supported me while others cut off all contact. This was difficult but I also realized that I didn’t need people like that in my life. I read a lot of books and reached out to my family members with kids to get information and luckily had a great OB/GYN that took good care of me and made sure I had any/all the resources and support I needed. 9 years later, there have been struggles and I had to grow up really quickly but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
In order to illustrate the importance of sex education (and on behalf of SIECUS our fundraising recipient this month), we asked our staff to contribute stories or anecdotes about their own sexual awakening or what kind of sex education they received. Feel free to share your comments on the Moms in Babeland blog and you could win a toy!
