Making Time for Mom
Yesterday my son posed the question, “who is your best mom friend?” After taking far too long to answer I simply said, “I don’t know. I don’t have many mom friends.” He did not like this answer and started naming the moms of the kids in his life and I realized that I genuinely enjoy all of the people named but that I do not feel close with any of them. This led me to question why I have a lack of other moms in my life. I like moms and I am a mom, it would be nice to have someone who appreciates the frustrations and triumphs that come with raising a child…and that is when the answer struck me. I don’t have many mom friends because we are all too busy being moms.
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Don’t worry, this is not a post about dating babysitters. It’s about using babysitters so you can go on a date. My first piece of advice to all moms is this: use babysitters as often as you can, it will save your sanity first, and your sex life second. No excuses.
I was the first among my circle of friends to get pregnant (at the ripe old age of 32). Many of my friends and coworkers offered to babysit, and I tell you, if I had it to do over again, I would have taken each one of them up on their offer then and there. But I didn’t for reasons that will sound familiar to all moms: I thought it was a lot to ask, or that they didn’t really mean it, or that they didn’t think they could handle it, or I didn’t feel like arranging it.
However, every parent fantasizes about having a stable full of talented, reliable, available-at-a-moment’s-notice babysitters, so they can have some privacy and time off from the demands of child-rearing.
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We’ve all heard how sex lives can suffer once you have kids.
First, because of the damage that occurs to a woman’s nether regions during childbirth. Then, because of the tenderness of a woman’s vaginal lining—in addition to hormonal fluctuations—in the months after childbirth. And then? Well, there’s the lack of time, and the exhaustion that comes from being a parent (and a spouse, and a fully functioning individual). There’s the magnification of the madonna/whore complex that can occur after you pop one out. There’s the reshuffling of your affections, and the sometimes attendant resentments that can result from this. There’s the inexorable pull of month after month of sexless nights, that can spin out into a complete loss of libido.
This doesn’t worry me. After all, our sex life already sucks.
“You know,” my husband said the other week, “in order to get pregnant, we have to have sex.”
It’s not what you think.
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This weekend at the Seattle Store we are teaching a Sex During Pregnancy and Parenthood class. We even have guest teacher Nekole Shapiro from Tantric Birth joining our resident Sex Educator mom Shannon and myself.
Being newly pregnant (18 weeks) and a sex educator, my interest in learning all about sex during pregnancy has definitely increased. Though I taught the Sexy Moms class a few times before I was pregnant, things are now personal. At first it seemed that there wasn’t much information out there on having sex during pregnancy other than:
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I know that as a mom, I have had a hard time accepting my mom body. There are days and times when I look in the mirror and say, “Damn girl, you are lookin’ HAWT!” and there are still other days when I look in the mirror and think, “what in the world happened to my body?” I know that this is not specific to being a mom. I talk to women all the time who feel this way.
As I taught the Sexy Mom’s night recently, the conversation barely went beyond me asking the question, “What makes you feel sexy?”. Many of the women in the room drew a complete blank for an answer. My response at the time just as my response in this post is, FIND WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL SEXY. For me it can change day to day and hour to hour, sometimes it is simple like a compliment from a stranger, other times it is putting on my favorite piece of lingerie or vibrating panties when I know I am going out with my partner for a night on the town.
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